Jump Start Your Brain: Cyber Panic Attack

JumpstartHappy Saturday, Modern Philosophers.

I have already run 4 miles, mowed the front and side lawns, chopped down some huge weed bushes in the side yard, destroyed the bamboo jungle behind The House on the Hill, cut down dead maple tree branches, marinaded the chicken for dinner, started the laundry, changed the litter boxes, taken out the garbage, and hit the shower.

A busy Saturday morning, right?

But none of those activities is what jump started my brain today.  That honor goes to these little bastards…

Robot 2That’s right, Modern Philosophers.  When you see The Machines in a blog post, you know I’m going to write about The Robot Apocalypse!

It’s been a while since we’ve discussed that particular subject, and I think Robot High Command thought that meant I’d let down my guard.

So they launched an attack.  I must admit, this one was perfectly timed.  Damn those infernal Machines!

I woke up fairly early, traipsed down to the kitchen to feed Cali and Luna, and then turned on my laptop to check my email.

Except my laptop did not turn on.  I hit the power button again and again, but the little light did not go on to indicate life.  Still half asleep, I plugged in the device, thinking the battery had somehow rundown over night.

No joy.  The Machines were winning.

Immediately, I went into panic mode.  As you can tell from my opening paragraphs, I had a very busy day planned and more on my dance card for this evening.  I really didn’t want to have to drive over to Best Buy to get the Geek Squad on the case.

Scary robotI freaked out that my consecutive days blogging streak would end because Robot High Command had broken through my defenses and rattled The House on the Hill down to its foundation.

I managed to calm myself long enough to form some Deep Thoughts about my plight.

In doing this, I recalled a tip the Geek Squad guy had shown me the last time The Machines tried to take command of my laptop.

I removed the battery and then replaced it.

Nothing.  Damn!

I did what any other Modern Philosophers would do in this situation…I retired to the bathroom.  I do my best Deep Thinking in that sanctuary.

I calculated that I could still go for a run, mow the lawn, and then drive to Best Buy to have them assess the damage.  The one time I had a major issue with the laptop, I convinced them to give me a loaner so I could continue to blog, write, and exist in the twenty-first century while repairs were done.

I emerged from my sacred place with a plan.  Just for the hell of it, though, I decided to give the battery thing another shot.

This time, I added the extra step of blowing on the area vacated by the battery.  Perhaps The Machines had left behind some stray code that was harming my laptop.

Whatever it was I did, it worked.  The laptop fired up and here I am writing this blog post.

The lesson in this is to remain ever vigilant, Modern Philosophers.  The Machines are patient, and they will bide their time until they can launch The Robot Apocalypse and enslave us all.

HumansOf course, I blame AMC for this latest fiasco.

Their new show, Humans, with the hot robot on the left, might have led me to believe that The Machines weren’t so bad after all.

Robot High Command knows I have been having trouble dating because they study every move I make.  They know their enemy, and as a result, are well aware of how to exploit my weakness.

So they got me to fall for the charms of a sexy British robot, and maybe I forgot to write a post warning you all about The Robot Apocalypse.

It almost worked.  I’m sorry for almost failing you.

It won’t happen again.  Ever vigilant and all that.

Now that I’ve told you the story of how I jump started my laptop, I hope I have also helped to jump start your brain.  Have a great Saturday!

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About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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10 Responses to Jump Start Your Brain: Cyber Panic Attack

  1. floridaborne says:

    Fortunately, I have my own built-in geek squad, code named “hubby.” Over the years I’ve found it best to try everything else first so that I don’t have to turn red with embarrassment when he asks, “Did you check to see if it was plugged in?” 🙂

  2. grannyK says:

    So glad you won in the end!

  3. JED says:

    I wonder if the machines rise up will they attack the geek squad first. I don’t think I would want to be among that group then. Glad you got your computer working again.

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