I somehow managed to survive what felt like the longest work week of my life, and as I sit exhausted out on the porch of The House on the Hill, I find myself in a very silly mood.
I’m going to tell you about an achievement of which I’m very proud…
When I was grocery shopping tonight, I bought an ice cream scooper.
I’ve been divorced a decade now, and there hasn’t been an ice cream scooper in this house since J packed up the last one. Of course, plenty of ice cream has been eaten in The House on the Hill over the past ten years, but none of it was properly scooped into a bowl.
Well that madness ends tonight!
I told you I was in a weird mood. Grab your Deep Thinking Toga, and meet me in The Think Tank. If you’re lucky, there might be some perfectly scooped ice cream waiting.
This week’s topic: The Republican Presidential Candidates held their first debate last night. If you were running for President, what would be your top campaign promise?
Since I am in a strange mood, Modern Philosophers, you are going to get an answer as ridiculous as 37 candidates seeking out the Republican nod.
Okay, maybe there aren’t that many, but it sure seems like it.
If I were running, and there were that many other candidates, I’d want to make a campaign promise that would set me apart from the pack. Look at Donald Trump. He’s a total buffoon, but his out of control comments are getting him all the media attention.
Second runner up on my list is a promise to paint The White House. The name is just too racist, and it’s got to go. The place has had the same bland look for centuries, so I’d want to add some color and make it more exciting.
Think of the jobs it would create, especially if I had it repainted every year of my Presidency. Maybe I could hold an annual contest to choose the new color.
Or better yet, turn it into a reality TV show so popular that the entire nation tunes in to the finale to learn what the winning color is.
I’d also rechristen the building The Presidence. How cool is that?
The United States needs Canada for the amazing healthcare system, the huge stable of hockey talent to ensure that Team USA wins Olympic Hockey Gold every four years, and the extra space to pile our snow every winter.
If Canada became part of the United States, Maine would no longer be the northernmost state in the continental US. Perhaps the more southern feel would make for warmer winters. And I could finally outlaw the Canadian Football League.
My winning campaign promise would be to cut taxes on everyone but the 1%. Then I’d totally jack up the taxes on those spoiled fat cats, and make life in the 51 United States (yes, I’m still taking Canada!) much more tolerable for the real Americans.
I’m sorry, but when you have billions of dollars, you can afford to put much more into the tax pot. I’d be happy to do so if I were that rich, and if anyone doesn’t believe me, give me a billion dollars, and I’ll prove it.
Those are my campaign promises. What are yours? Please feel free to be silly. I’m tired and could use a good laugh!