Like A Batgirl Out Of Hell

Batgirl“Check out Mr. Skinny!” The Devil called out as I strode confidently into the living room.  “How much weight have you lost?”

“Nine pounds in five weeks,” I informed him and then gave a little bow, even though it was entirely uncalled for in that situation.

My well dressed guest applauded.  “That’s awesome.  Keep up the good work.”

Everyone thinks Lucifer is pure evil, but he does have his moments, and he is definitely a very supportive friend.

“Thanks for the kind words,” I said with a shrug, trying to play it off like it was no big deal even though it was huge.  “I’m going to do my best to keep at it.”

Who was I kidding?  Weight loss was addicting.  Now that I was nine pounds deep into this adventure, I was desperate to lose more.  After a run of more than four miles this morning, I’d already been out for two more walks.

I had the fitness bug, and my personal wellness was now my number one goal.

Okay.  Who am I kidding?  I liked losing weight because it increased my confidence, and supposedly raised the odds of interesting someone in dating me.

Devil“Since I’m already heaping praise upon you, I’ve got to say I really enjoyed yesterday’s blog post,” Satan added as he made a big deal of adjusting his tie.

That was when I noticed that it was adorned with dozens of tiny Batman logos.

I grinned as I reached for a Snapple from the cooler.  “You’re a Batman fan I see.”

A Devilish grin crossed his handsome face.  “Actually, I’m a huge fan of Batgirl,” The Prince of Darkness gushed like a crushing fan boy.  “I think it’s a sign that your former beloved chose to dress up as my celebrity crush.”

“A sign of what?” I asked suspiciously and then took a long sip of my Snapple.

I wasn’t quite sure if I was prepared for his answer.

“That we were destined to be amigos,” The Devil said in a passable Spanish accent.  “We both have a soft spot for the coolest character in the Batman canon.”

“I’m going to have to stop you there,” I announced as I put my Snapple on the table to free up both hands to better express myself.  “First off, I have a soft spot for an actual living, breathing woman, who chose to dress up as Batgirl on one occasion.  You have a crush on a comic book character.  And there is no way, as attractive as she is, that Batgirl is the coolest inhabitant of Gotham City.”

Batgirl 2Lucifer stared at the label on his Snapple bottle as he formed Deep Thoughts on what I had just said.

“I will give you the first statement, but you are so wrong on the second,” he declared as if he were a judge handing down a decision.

“Batgirl is cooler than The Joker?  Come on!” I shot back at him.  “I’m no comic book fan, so maybe it’s different in that world, but Heath Ledger won an Oscar for proving just how bad ass The Joker can be.”

“You just wait until they give Batgirl a proper cinematic depiction,” The Prince of Darkness advised with a smile.  “I read they cast Jena Malone to play her.  If they write it correctly, you will be eating your words, my friend.”

I chuckled at both his confidence and his conviction.

Batgirl Alicia“So you’re saying that Alicia Silverstone’s portrayal of Batgirl didn’t quite do it for you?”

“Don’t even get me started on Clueless Batgirl!” Satan practically growled before he took a long pull of his Snapple.  “Gag me with a Bat spoon.  OMG.  LOL!”

“It might be interesting to see a darker take on the character,” I had to admit.  “Christopher Nolan really turned around that franchise.”

“Let’s just hope the new guy doesn’t blow it,” The Devil muttered.

I nodded in agreement.  It would be a shame to see the series descend back into the depths of the Batman & Robin days.

“I used to have a thing for the Batgirl from the old Adam West series,” I admitted.

“Yvonne Craig,” Lucifer said as his eyes lit up.  “She was very sexy.  I believe my Batgirl crush was born from her portrayal as well.  Look at us bonding over this like a couple of all-American guys.”

Batgirl TV“I guess,” I said with a half grin.

“So tell me, did you ever have The Girl Who Moved Away dress up as Batgirl and chase her around The House on the Hill.”

“Batman never kisses and tells,” I replied and shot him a wink.

The Devil just laughed hysterically.  A little too much like The Joker for my liking…


About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Philosophy, Writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Like A Batgirl Out Of Hell

  1. Ok I was late and I just caught up. :p Not so sure about Batgirl, but I’d love to hang out with the devil who loves snapple! 😊

  2. Hannah G says:

    I also have a thing for Yvonne Craig Batgirl. It’s entirely reasonable. 😀

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