While this news has certainly come as a shock to the other candidates, it was definitely a blow to Hillary Clinton. Once seen as the Democratic front runner, the sputtering Clinton sent her husband, former President Bill Clinton, to hang out with Maine’s largest Wolfpack, in hopes of winning an endorsement.
Clearly, the plan was to have Wild Bill run with the pack and howl at the moon, while also talking up his wife and her candidacy.
Somehow, that plan backfired.
So why would Maine’s Werewolves endorse a Republican, given that the last time Mainers elected a Republican to a position of power, they were cursed with this guy…
“Hell no!” Gary Lincoln, the Leader of the Pack, told this Modern Philosopher. “Paul LePage is a buffoon, and I wouldn’t bite him if I were the last Werewolf on the planet and turning him was the only way to ensure my kind continued to exist.”
So why Trump?
“It was his pelt,” Gary told me with a smile. “As you know, Werewolves are very proud of their fur and Trump’s hair is quite extraordinary…even if it’s only on top of his head.”
“Could you imagine how glorious he’d look covered in that hair if he were to become one of us? He would be the unquestioned King of the Werewolves!”
How much influence does Maine’s Werewolf population have in the scheme of things? Maine has traditionally voted Democrat in Presidential elections, and Bernie Sanders is polling very well in the state.
Would the Werewolves’ endorsement push Trump to the front of the pack?
Mayor McCheese, who recently failed to unseat Paul LePage as Governor, had the following Deep Thoughts to share: “Getting the Werewolf vote bodes well for Trump’s chances, especially if it influences the rest of Maine’s growing Otherworldly Being population, which currently remains mostly undecided.”
When I asked my Vampire friend Ana to explain her fascination with the former Secretary of State, she smirked and replied, “You’d have to be a Vampire to get it.”
Unfortunately for Clinton, Vampires make up a very small part of Maine’s registered voters. If she had been able to secure the Werewolf vote as well, however, Maine might have fallen into her evil clutches.
How did Donald Trump respond to this important endorsement? According to my sources in Governor LePage’s office, the belligerent billionaire was so thrilled with the news that he had his people call Augusta and offer to buy Maine.
When LePage wouldn’t sell, Trump then threatened to give Maine as a peace offering to Canada after he was elected.
Trump’s campaign has yet to respond to my requests for a comment. However, a person claiming to be a Modern Philosopher and Trump campaign intern swears that she saw the candidate head up to the roof of Trump Tower.
Shortly thereafter, she heard an excited, yet frightening howling that seemed to go on for a good five minutes.
And made the hair stand up on her arms…
What do you think of the Werewolves’ decision to endorse Donald Trump? Does it make you any more or less likely to vote for him? Do you agree that Trump would make a handsome Werewolf with his famous pelt?