When Austin Met Running…

Austin run 1Once upon a time, at The House on the Hill, there lived a Modern Philosopher who ran all the time…

I am now ten weeks into this sweaty little adventure, and I have one question, Modern Philosophers:

When am I going to start liking running?

While I have enjoyed providing inspiration through perspiration, I was hoping that after 70 days of (not so much) blood, (way more than seems possible) sweat, and (a surprising amount of) tears (not really, but it just sounded right), I would have fallen head over heals in love with running.

And yet, here we are, still behaving like a couple of exes who can barely stand the sight of one another.

Is it me?  I know I really stink after a run and that can be a total turnoff, but I’m also quite charming and outgoing.

So I think running deserves some of the blame.

Austin run 2If my relationship with running were a Romantic Comedy, we’d meet cute after my annual physical.  The doc would have told me I was out of shape and needed to lose weight, and since he would also be my best friend and comedic sidekick, he’d remind me that fat, out of shape guys never meet pretty girls.

I’d grumble about how it didn’t make any sense to get into shape because I was never going to meet anyone again, and I’d storm out of the office pissed off at the world.

That’s when I’d crash into running, who would be walking past the front door of the office at the exact moment I was exiting.  I’d probably cause her to spill her coffee and knock her down.  I’d make some joke about how she was lucky she wasn’t killed by the force of the collision given that I was so fat.

She would find my self depreciating humor to be charming, and she’d see something in me that no other woman has in a very long time.

Of course, she wouldn’t say anything about it.  After all, I’m just some fat stranger who, for all intents and purposes, had just assaulted her.

We’d go our separate ways, thinking we’d never see each other again, but we all know that’s not how it works in a rom com.

A female road runner runs down a road at dusk at Independence Pass.The only way the story could end would be with my having to run after running to catch her before she ran out of my life forever.

The irony would be that I’m only able to catch up with her to reveal my feelings because I’ve been running for ten weeks.  If I hadn’t gotten myself into shape by doing something I hated, I never would’ve had the stamina or the ability to catch up with running and tell her how much I love her.

Isn’t that a beautiful story, Modern Philosophers?

So where’s my happy ending?  When do running and I live happily ever after?

Austin run 5Of course, I do get something of a happy ending after every completed run.

I can sit on my porch and bask in the glow of my achievement, while the runner’s high washes over me.

Then I get to go into the kitchen of The House on the Hill and chug chocolate milk straight from the carton.  Now that’s the good life!

That’s what makes running worth it.

Austin smileI did recently change my profile pic on Facebook to the above photo.  I thought it summed up how I feel after ten weeks of doing my best to lead a healthier life.

I am definitely happier, healthier, more confident, and pretty darn handsome.

I just wish I would fall in love with running so we could live happily ever after…

THE END

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About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Dating, Fitness, Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

26 Responses to When Austin Met Running…

  1. averagebob says:

    Only nutjobs fall in love with running. Think “Fatal Attraction.”

  2. Slow down – that’s the secret – if it sucks then just slow down a little bit – running does suck, but jogging can be enjoyable.

  3. somemaid says:

    Try leaving your headphones at home. I prefer to run without accompaniment and get into a zone where breathing and feet come together. Before I reach this point it isn’t so fun. Keep going and focus on the runners high.

  4. You have to listen to the breathing. That’s what the relationship with running is all about–the heavy breathing in and out, chest rising and falling–you know, just like in the romance novels. 😉

  5. nolanwrites says:

    Try switch up your routes. That way you’re constantly being distracted with all the new scenery. Or find a running buddy.

  6. adamjasonp says:

    “Fat, out of shape guys never meet pretty girls.” The ‘obesity pandemic’ is proof enough that’s not true…

  7. donedreaming says:

    Not sure we were ever meant to like running. A look back in time will tell you we only ever ran to catch lunch, or away from being something else’s lunch so not necessarily a positive blueprint! Running is like veg, it’s horrid but it does you good so that’s your motive. Just dig in and think how much good it’s going you. Yum Yum 😀

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