How To Tell If Your Date Is A Trump Supporter

Is Your Date A Trump Supporter?Okay, Modern Philosophers, I get it.  You’re upset at me for not writing a new dating tips post lately.

I’m sorry, but I’ve been so busy with running and writing that I haven’t had time to go on a date.  When I’m not dating, new dating tips posts don’t top the priority list.

I now realize that such Deep Thoughts are completely selfish, so I’m going to make it up to you with a brand new, extremely topical post.

As the 2016 Presidential Election creeps closer, politics is going to be a hot button topic of conversation on a date.  While it’s difficult to identify a person’s political leanings right off the bat, especially on a blind date, there are some telltale signs that might help narrow it down for you.

In this post, I’m going to help you identify the most dangerous of all the dates waiting out there for you: The Donald Trump supporter.

Since I’m a man who dates women, the date in this post will be referred to as a female.  However, these tips are meant to help members of both sexes.

How to tell if your date is a Trump supporter…

Trump 1Does she refuse to go to an ethnic restaurant?  Who doesn’t love Mexican food?  Trump supporters.

If you try to bring one within spitting distance of a Mexican restaurant, she will talk your ear off about immigration, illegal aliens, and making this country great again by turning away outsiders.

A Trump supporter will shy away from any ethnic restaurant, and steer you towards an overpriced American place that has a wine list as thick as Trump: The Art of the Deal and requires you to wear a jacket and tie.

Does she put up walls?  I’m not just talking about emotional walls to protect her heart and keep you from getting too close to her.

I mean does she literally build a wall and tell you it’s to keep illegal immigrants away from her?  If she does, it’s a good bet she’s a Trump supporter.

Trump 2Does she never seem to give a straight answer to basic questions?  A first date often turns into an interrogation, and there are certain questions that you are going to be asked and are expected to ask in return.  It’s just Getting To Know You 101.

If your date never gives you a straight answer, changes the subject, rambles on about something entirely off topic, or gives a lengthy monologue extolling her virtues, you’ve got a Trumpeteer on your hands.

Does she demean your waitress and accuse her of having a Feminist agenda?  If your date refuses to listen to the specials if they’re given to her by a waitress, and insists on only speaking to white, male servers then you’ve got a problem.  Make sure you leave a very big tip to make up for it.

If she allows the waitress to continue working your table, but only if she shuts up and just serves the food and clears the plates, then she probably plans to vote for The Donald.

Trump 3Does she keep bringing the conversation back to actors who would be perfect for Celebrity Apprentice?  This one is troubling for two reasons, Modern Philosophers.  She has horrible taste in television.  And she has to be on Team Trump 2016.

Does she constantly cut you off and talk over you?  Hard to tell on this one.  She could just be rude and self-centered.  Then again, she could be so into Trump that she plans to name the dog you adopt together “Little Donald”.

Trump 4Is she obsessed with and/or confused by your hair?  Trumpunzels are Trump supporters who follow him strictly because they are mesmerized by his hair.

These are the most bizarre of Trump’s minions in my opinion, and if your date is showing signs of asking you to let down your hair, I’d bolt before you wake up in a bathtub filled with ice water and discover that your head has been shaved bald.

Does she repeatedly tell you that she is very rich?  I leave this one up to you, Modern Philosophers.  Dates who find it necessary to keep throwing their wealth in your face are definitely Pro Trump.

However, you might be okay dating someone who is extremely rich.  Even if you decide to dump her, wait until after the date, order some pricey items, and make Richie Rich over there pick up the tab.

Trump 6Does she spend the entire date shouting and boasting?  Regardless if she is voting for Trump of not, that’s just plain obnoxious behavior, so why would you want to date a woman like that?

I don’t care how good she looks, how much money she has, and how desperate you are to have a special someone in your life, someone who yells constantly and makes outrageous claims is a horrible partner.  Cast your vote for getting the hell out of there as quickly as possible.

Does she keep telling you she wants to take you home so she can do naughty things to your Trump Tower?  No one wants “Trump Tower” as a name for his private parts.  Plus, how are you supposed to make sure that the tower remains standing at optimum altitude if you’re thinking about Donald Trump the whole time?

That is a situation that can only leave you bankrupt in the bedroom.  Get yourself and your more appropriately nicknamed parts to safety immediately.

Trump 7I hope these dating tips come in handy, Modern Philosophers.

Personally, I think the numbers for this post are going to be HUUUUGE!  I’m great at giving dating advice and none of the other candidates are more qualified than I am.  Plus, I’m very wealthy!

Show your support for me by following me on Pinterest!


About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Dating, Humor, Politics and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

15 Responses to How To Tell If Your Date Is A Trump Supporter

  1. 1wanderingtruthseeker says:

    None of the other candidates can get a date or get laid on prom night!

  2. Tim Gatewood says:

    Funny stuff! Are you going to cover other candidates, too?

  3. Ali Isaac says:

    Trump Tower?!!! Haha lmao! 😂

  4. This date is going to be HUUGGGGGE!

  5. Addendum – when she shows up for the date, does she say:

    “This date is going to get the highest ratings your pathetic love life has ever seen. You’re welcome.”

  6. Also watch for the glazed eyes and drool when they are close to red meat—especially if it is barbecued squirrel. Look at their arms and hands too. The arms will be longer and the fingers will be longer than usual and slightly bent for climbing in trees and swinging from tree to tree high in the forest. I have no idea what they will do once Trump cuts all the trees down.

  7. Pamela says:

    Bawahaha , too funny Austin ! 😀

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