Wild Turkeys Couldn’t Drag Me Away

Austin 1After what happened to Maine’s Werewolves during the Blood Moon Eclipse, I was a little wary to exit The House on the Hill this morning when I saw the full moon staring down at me, Modern Philosophers.

The moon isn’t usually out when I leave for my morning run, so I took it as a sign that some Otherworldly Being would be waiting for me out there on the road.

The Boy Scouts taught me to Always Be Prepared, but it’s one thing to prepare for the day, and an entirely different thing to prepare for a day in Maine!

Today was run #61 and week #13 of my Running Program.  That means I’ve been at this for a quarter of a year now.

In all that time spent on the road, I’ve put nearly 200 miles under my toga.  And there’s plenty of room for those miles under there now since I’ve lost 18 lbs.

During my previous sixty runs, one thing remained constant: I was always the only turkey out there on the road.

Well that all changed this morning under the full moon…

Austin 2Yes, Modern Philosophers, those are wild turkeys!

And not just a couple of them, but rather, a small army.  I’d guess they were a recon team sent ahead to scout the area before the attack.

Luckily, they were so busy studying that grass, and I was running and an incredible rate of speed, that they didn’t see me!

flashDid I really just insert an image of The Flash into this post after I mentioned how quickly I was running this morning?

You bet I did!

I got the hell out of there before those wild turkeys could drag me away for questioning, torture, and a thorough roasting!

The full moon makes man and beast do unspeakable things, and I didn’t want to stick around to discover what those gobblers had in store for me.

Austin 3One of the motivating factors behind these thirteen weeks of running has been to get myself into shape, which would raise my confidence, and then in turn help me with this whole dating debacle.

While I definitely look better, feel so much better, and fit into my clothes way better, I have not gotten any better at dating.

In fact, I can’t even remember the last time I went on a date.  I don’t think I’ve even been on one since Runner Boy took over the social calendar.

That seems like a total waste, but I guess there is less of me to go around now, and dating has been bumped down the priority list.

But I do so miss awkward moments like this…

bad dateI’ve always wanted to know that couple’s story.  Then again, I’ve been on enough bad dates that I’ve probably already experienced whatever is going on with them.

Ever since barely avoiding a full moon wild turkey attack this morning, I’ve been thinking that Runner Boy needs to stop being such a harsh task master and allow the Hopeless Romantic some time at the wheel.

Did you just hear that?

Seriously.  Did you?

I’m pretty sure it was the sound of an approaching turkey swarm.  I’ve got to go.  Think good Deep Thoughts for me.  Just in case the turkeys figure out how to get inside The House on the Hill!!!


About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Dating, Fitness, Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Wild Turkeys Couldn’t Drag Me Away

  1. The Turkey Version of Thanks giving is coming up soon and these guys were looking to stuff your giblets up your you-know-where.

  2. Josh Wrenn says:

    Made me think of turkeys doing Braveheart battles, ala SouthPark.

  3. markbialczak says:

    They were stocking up for their pre-Thanksgiving dinner, Austin! Good thing you got out of there in a Flash! Now get back on the other side of the bridge for a date, dude.

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