Monday Morning Coffee Club: 10/5/15 (Late Edition)

Giant mugIt’s Monday, Modern Philosophers.

Monday evening to be more precise.  For the first time in an eternity, the interns weren’t able to rouse me in time to write the Monday Morning Coffee Club post before I went to work.

Sure, I know what you’re all thinking: Fire the interns!  I’d like to at times, but they work for free, they’re good kids, and I don’t want a new batch of students in here whose names I have to pretend to know.

So what prevented me from rising early to get your day started with a smile?  Was it Matt Damon related?  He must have been pretty upset about last night’s short story and my decision to leave him on Mars, but he did not break into The House on the Hill and keep me from getting out of bed.

My body betrayed me.  Last night, as I was innocently watching TV, my organs decided to turn me a very pale and chalky shade of white by sending shooting pains through my body.  I was certain that my intestines, spleen, and liver were trying to escape, and that the near riot they were causing would lead to my blacking out on the bathroom floor.

There has been a GI bug making its way around the office (another argument for staying home to write!) and apparently, an entire swarm had burrowed its way inside my body.

so sickI was in agony.  I was not happy.  I was thinking to myself that this was why I shouldn’t be single.  Who would discover my body and call the medical examiner?

It was very late by the time I was cleared to exit the bathroom, and then I didn’t sleep well.  I stayed in bed as late as I could, skipped breakfast, and did my best to remain upright and in possession of all of my organs at my desk until 5:00.

I want to go straight to bed and wallow in self pity under my warm covers, but The Nite Show taping is Wednesday.

That means I need to stay up late writing monologue jokes.  So that Danny looks hilarious while I look and feel like $%^&.

I really am looking forward to the taping, though, despite the fact that I am in gastric despair.  It’s the Fifth Anniversary Special, and everyone in attendance is getting a gift.

I really hope it’s a pony.

I’d name him Monologue, and he’d be my best friend.

I could ride him to work when it snows.  He can have one of the upstairs bedrooms.  I bet it would be much easier to find a date if I had a pony.

Now it really NEEDS to be a pony.  I hope Danny is reading this!

Clearly, I need to either take less medicine, or just pound back some more and churn out like a hundred jokes in half an hour once it kicks in.

Woo hoo!

Hope you had a great Monday, Modern Philosophers.  Mine would not make my Top Ten List of Greatest Days Ever, but at least there’s only six hours left until Tuesday…


About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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14 Responses to Monday Morning Coffee Club: 10/5/15 (Late Edition)

  1. Éilis Niamh says:

    Hope you feel better!

  2. I, too, was off of my Sunday Evening Art Gallery schedule. You found the strength to at least write. You will recover soon. Until then chicken broth and ice cubes.

  3. susielindau says:

    I hope you’re riding a pony and are clear of the porcelain bowl by Thursday!

  4. Joseph Nebus says:

    I’d suggest it’s the cold that’s going around, although the one that got to me isn’t anything near that bad.

  5. Mindy says:

    Off. Well, I sure hope you’re feeling better 😦

  6. D. Parker says:

    That’s terrible, Austin, I hope you feel 113% better soon. We knew you had a good reason for missing Monday Morning Coffee Club…it had to be some sort of natural or unnatural disaster. Take care. All the best. 🙂

  7. Hope you are feeling better.

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