Rejection Is Half Mental Most Of The Time

RejectionHappy Sunday, Modern Philosophers!

A new episode of The Nite Show With Danny Cashman aired last night, so now I can share some of my monologue jokes that didn’t make it onto last night’s telecast.

Danny wanted to focus on the show’s Five Year Anniversary, hence all those jokes.

I know Sunday is supposed to be a day of rest, but can you work up enough energy to give a warm Modern Philosopher’s welcome to the Sunday Rejects?

Donald Trump continues to be the front runner for the Republican Presidential nomination, but recent polls reveal his lead to be dwindling.  When asked how he would address his declining poll numbers, Trump vowed to fire every pollster in America and then build a giant wall to protect his numbers…

Donald Trump continues to lead in the polls.  Don’t worry, though.  At last check, pigs were sill unable to fly and Hell had not frozen over…

Taping 7This is The Nite Show’s fifth anniversary.  Five years is a long time.  It’s four years and eleven months longer than Governor LePage’s term should have lasted…

The Nite Show is five years old.  That’s four years longer than the average lifespan of whatever that is living on the top of Donald Trump’s head…

Over the past five years, The Nite Show has aired 200 episodes.  Coincidentally, Maine schools have closed for 200 snow days over that exact same period…

The Nite Show just turned five, and next September, it’s going to start Kindergarten.  Unless, of course, Joe and I decide to home school it…

The Nite Show is five years old, and like most five year olds, it’s afraid of the dark, thinks there are monsters living under its bed, and is noticeably taller than Bruce Poliquin…

Taping 1The Patriots have started the season 4-0.  That’s three victories on the field and one in the courtroom…

That Patriots have started the season 3-0.  No word yet from Roger Goodell on how he plans to punish the team for its perfection…

The Nite Show has been around for five years, which means it has outlasted 75% of Maine marriages….

The Nite Show has been on the air for five years, which means someone in charge of programming at WABI TV has really dropped the ball…

The Mayor of Lewiston wants to publicize the names of all Mainers receiving welfare.  Presumably, to cross them off his list of potential campaign donors…

The first Democratic Presidential Debate is this week.  The networks are still holding out hope that Donald Trump changes parties in time to participate…

The first Democratic Presidential Debate is this week.  I will only watch if Bernie Sanders promises to wear a lab coat and shout “Great Scott, Marty!” every fifteen minutes…

Austin 3The Nite Show is five years old.  Since wood is the traditional fifth anniversary gift, everyone in the audience tonight will be allowed to knock on my head for good luck…

The first Democratic Presidential Debate is this week.  If you suffer from incurable insomnia, I recommend you tune in for a good night’ sleep…

What did you think, Modern Philosophers?  Did any of the Sunday Rejects make you laugh?  Is it obvious that the upcoming Presidential Election is inspirational to the monologue joke writing process?

The Nite Show airs on Saturday nights in Maine.  If you can’t catch the telecast, you can still support the show by liking its Facebook page, checking out video clips on its YouTube Channel, or by following it on Twitter @TheNiteShowME.

Please feel free to send Danny a tweet congratulating him on five years!

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About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Philosophy, Writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to Rejection Is Half Mental Most Of The Time

  1. D. Parker says:

    Congrats…on the 5 years, not the rejects (I thought they were funny). 🙂

  2. jan says:

    The Trump jokes are hysterical – I also liked the Patriot jokes!

  3. Josh Wrenn says:

    Love the Sander, Doc Brown joke. That was great!

  4. ksbeth says:

    lots of the rejects are really funny and how lucky to have so much material from which to choose )

  5. markbialczak says:

    You gave him plenty to work with, that’s for sure, Austin. Way to churn.

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