‘Tis The Season To Be Satanic

jack-o-lantern“What a gorgeous day!” The Devil exclaimed as he burst through the front door of The House on the Hill, and stood in the entrance to the living room like a conquering hero.

He wore an extremely expensive, impeccably tailored black suit and an orange tie.

“Are you going to a football game up at Brewer High?” I asked with a snicker since the team’s colors were orange and black.

“Despite your snarky comment, I bring you festive greetings of the Halloween Season,” Lucifer continued as the Devilish smile grew on his handsome face.  “In the spirit of the holiday, I come bearing gifts!”

“Are they invisible gifts?” I asked with a raised eyebrow since his hands were empty.

The Prince of Darkness snapped his fingers, and a half dozen of the ugliest Demons I’ve ever seen scampered into my living room.  They were loaded down with gifts, and moved quickly to the living room table to deposit them at their master’s command.

“Happy Halloween, my friend!” Satan bellowed gleefully as he vanquished the Demons out to the front porch and then headed over to join me on the couch.

“Wow!  This is quite a spread,” I had to admit as my mouth watered at the sight of what The Devil had gifted me.

DevilThere were two huge platters of his incredible Hell Fire Wings.  I have eaten far too many chicken wings in my life, and none were as good as the ones served up by Lucifer.  He liked to say that there was a little bit of Hell in every bite.

The wings were joined by three cases of Snapple, my favorite drink on Earth, and a dozen giant bags of king size Halloween candy.

Ironically, I was in Heaven.

“Halloween Season is to me what the Christmas Season is to you,” The Prince of Darkness explained as the tore into the bag of Mounds bars.  “Having all these Otherworldly Beings in town to celebrate the greatest holiday of all sends chills running from my horns down to my cloven hooves.”

I wiped Hell Fire Sauce from my face as I nodded and tossed my now meatless chicken bone down onto the discard platter.

“It must be like your Demonic National Convention,” I quipped as I grabbed a chilled Snapple from the cooler.

All Hallows“It’s so much more than that,” Satan told me excitedly like a boy staring at all the presents under the tree on Christmas morning.  “This is an amazing time to be in Maine.  It’s the one place where my kind can gather, feel at home, and enjoy the wonder of the season.  Speaking of which, The All Hallows Society asked me to remind you that you should be blogging more about Halloween in Maine.”

I swallowed hard, and not because my Hell Fire Wing went down wrong.  It was never good to have The All Hallows Society send you messages, and even worse to have it sound like a threatening reminder of who was really in charge in the great state of Maine.

“I’ve already outlined some Halloween themed articles for the week,” I assured The Devil with enough panic in my voice to sound like a cheap knock off damsel in distress.  “I just got distracted with Cali’s getting sick last week.”

Lucifer smiled and helped himself to a wing.  He managed to never get any Hell Fire Sauce on his precious suits, and I was certain that some Evil Magic played a part in it.  Like an invisible evil bib that covered his entire wardrobe.

Cali Cat 2“Lighten up, Brooklyn, they’re not mad,” The Prince of Darkness informed me with a Devilish smile that was ever present this afternoon.  “You spread more love for Otherworldly Beings than any blogger in the world.  Plus, black cats are sacred to The All Hallows Society, so they completely understand that Cali comes first.”

That was beyond a relief.  Nevertheless, I still stress inhaled two more wings and washed them down with a bottle of Snapple before rejoining the conversation.

“I really appreciate your bringing all these gifts,” I said humbly.

“It’s the least I could do,” Satan replied.  “You are a wonderful host and your weekly posts about our adventures have made me a major celebrity at this year’s celebration.  You’ve done some amazing public relations work for my image.”

jack-oThe former Catholic School Altar Boy and  The Devil bonding over chicken wings, Snapple, and Halloween candy.

Maine truly was an exciting place to be, and I was grateful to be in the middle of it all at The House on the Hill as the Halloween Spirit possessed my lost soul.

Happy Halloween Season!


About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Holidays, Humor, Philosophy, Writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to ‘Tis The Season To Be Satanic

  1. markbialczak says:

    Scary good visit this week, Austin.

  2. That is one big pumpkin.

  3. Gail Kaufman says:

    Funny story and super cool photo!

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