One Hell Of A Boring Day

DevilThe Devil and I sat on the couch in total silence.

To be more specific, it was an awkward silence.  We knew it was Sunday and we were on a deadline, and yet, we said absolutely nothing.

“Is that a new suit?” I asked simply because I had to hear something.  Anything.

“No,” Lucifer replied as he looked at the impeccably tailored suit that made him look like a male model.

“Looks new,” I mumbled as I picked at the label on my empty bottle of Snapple.

Then there was more silence.  Enough to deafen us both.

“You go for a run this morning?” The Prince of Darkness queried.

“Yeah, but I already wrote about it,” I explained.  “Even posted a bunch of pictures of the foliage I saw along my route.”

“Maine does have lovely fall foliage,” Satan agreed.

I nodded.

Austin 8He looked down at the list of potential story ideas my intern had handed him when he first entered The House on the Hill over an hour ago.

“I bet your readers have absolutely no idea how difficult it is to come up with an original short story every Sunday,” The Devil remarked as he placed the list on the table.

“I was thinking the very same thing,” I added with a little too much enthusiasm, but the prospect of an actual conversation growing out of this was just too thrilling.  “They probably think I just set up a camera, record our antics, and then transcribe the best little section and post it on the blog.”

We both laughed at the ridiculousness of that statement.

“If only they understood how completely unscripted these stories are,” Lucifer jumped in to keep the ball rolling.  “They are ninety-five percent made up on the fly by you.  You have quite the imagination, my friend.”

I felt myself blush at the compliment.  “Thanks, buddy.  That means a lot to me.  I’m really sorry that I’m drawing a blank today.  I don’t know what’s wrong with me.  This weekly short story if my favorite feature on the blog, and I’m always filled with creative ideas.”

SONY DSCThe Prince of Darkness just waved it off and handed me a fresh bottle of Snapple from the cooler.  “It happens to the best writers.  Plus, I didn’t exactly come in here with any exciting stories to inspire you.  It was a very blah week in Hell.”

I chuckled.  “Wish I could say the same.  Work sucked the creativity out of me.  There’s probably several great short story ideas sitting in a vat someone in the office.”

“That’s a fantastic idea!” Satan exclaimed as he pulled a small notepad and pen from a pocket inside his jacket and quickly jotted down some thoughts.  “I’m going to set up a room with all these tubes and steel drums, and tell the Damned that I’m draining them of their creativity, free will, and desire to live.  I can really turn this into something creepy.”

“Always happy to help make Hell an even worse place,” I quipped.

“You’re very good at it,” The Devil complimented me yet again.  “There is an executive position waiting for you in Hell whenever you want it.”

“I’m not interested if you’re going to hook me to a tube and drain me of all the things that make living exciting,” I countered with a smirk.

“Executives would be exempt from tubings,” The Devil assured me with a Devilish grin.

“Well, when you put it that way, I will give my notice at work in the morning,” I shot back with confidence.  “Clear out that corner office for me, and get me a cute assistant.  I’m not taking the job if I don’t get a very attractive female executive assistant.”

keep writingLucifer saluted and then wrote down my demands in his little notepad.  “It was very smart of you to clarify that it should be a female assistant.”

“I’ve learned a thing or two about making deals with The Devil over the last year,” I reminded him with a sly grin.

“Now if only you could come up with an idea for today’s short story…”

He was right.  I was still drawing a blank.

Writing this weekly short story really was next to impossible…


About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Philosophy, Writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to One Hell Of A Boring Day

  1. Austin, you can always bring a smile to anyone’s day. Lucifer should also be thanked for his input. Good luck with working for him by the way.

  2. markbialczak says:

    And yet the fire still burned, Austin. Female assistant, indeed. 🙂

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