The same scientists that downgraded Pluto from a planet to whatever the hell it is now, have decided to trick, rather than treat The Great Pumpkin this year by downgrading him to just a Good Pumpkin.
Needless to say, Pumpkin Pi, the social media platform for mathematically inclined pumpkin and jack o’ lantern enthusiasts, has been abuzz all morning with the news.
Seeds, which is what postings on Pumpkin Pi are called, have spread throughout social media and there are now giant pumpkin patches of comments all over the internet about this one.
Your favorite Modern Philosopher forced himself into the center of it all to give you the best coverage of this Pumpkintrocity aka Pumpkingate aka The Day Linus Finally Snapped (Like We Always Expected He Would).
Let’s start with Linus…
“I don’t see what all the fuss it about,” Linus told this Modern Philosopher from his prime spot in Maine’s largest pumpkin patch. “The Great Pumpkin will retain his title as long as all the kids in the world believe in him. Scientists can say anything they want, but The Great Pumpkin won’t listen. He hates Science just as much as the kids who love him!”
“No one’s going to listen to that crazy kid with the blanket,” said one of the snooty scientists in the above photo. “Where the hell are his parents? Why is he allowed to stay out overnight in a pumpkin patch? Has anyone called Child Protective Services?”
Pluto, the former planet, and recent victim of the same stuck up snobs in the lab coats had this to say to The Great Pumpkin: “Hang in there, dude. If you want to join me in my class action lawsuit against those nerds, just let me know. There’s millions to be made. Send me a seed on Pumpkin Pi if you want to chat.”
Pluto, the cartoon dog, has bonded with Pluto the planet ever since the downgrade. “$%^& those lab geeks. Maybe they should go out and get laid instead of trying to bring the rest of the world down to their $@%^&* level! The next time I see anyone in a lab coat, I’m gonna take a wretched $%^& on his leg and then piss on his shoes!”
The Headless Horseman was not impressed, either. “I don’t need a head to see that The Great Pumpkin is as grand as ever. Anyone who would think to downgrade such a beloved symbol of this incredible holiday deserves to be decapitated.”
They sought asylum in Maine, where they befriended The Great Pumpkin.
Now, they are beginning to think they are bad luck. They are also keen to give the scientists responsible for all this a very thorough anal probing.
He danced along with the tune, and even though it was mean spirited, the song was really quite catchy. I’m still humming it as I type this post.
It’s been a crazy day, Modern Philosophers. Is it possible that Governor LePage will turn out to be the hero for once?
Do you agree with the scientists? Or with Governor LePage? Is he still a Great Pumpkin in your eyes, Modern Philosophers?