Grim Reaper To Take Vacation Day On Halloween

deathEven Death gets to take a holiday, Modern Philosophers.

According to a statement issued by The All Hallows Society during today’s Halloween Season Festivities in Maine, The Grim Reaper has asked for and been granted a vacation day on Halloween.

The terse, official statement reads as follows:

“Everyone deserves a chance to take part in Halloween.  As a result, The Grim Reaper shall not work on October 31.  There shall be no Death on this most festive of days.  Please adjust your schedules accordingly.”

God confirmed this in a statement issued via Pope Francis from the Vatican:

God-02“Happy Halloween, everyone.  Death has been postponed on Saturday so that everyone can go trick or treating, attend parties, and not have to say their final goodbyes.  May God bless you all, even if you do not celebrate this holiday!”

I later spoke to the Holy Father via Skype, and he gave me some more insight.

“It caught me off guard, too, Austin, but when God asks you to deliver His message, you get out of bed, put on your robe and Pope hat, and do what you’re told.”

When I pressed the Pontiff on how truly out of the ordinary it was for The Grim Reaper to ask for a day off, he just shrugged and flashed that charming Papal smile.  “I guess he has a very good Union.  This is Halloween and strange things always happen on that day, no?”

As one would expect, Death was too busy working to comment for this blog post.  And to be perfectly honest, Modern Philosophers, I wasn’t eager to invite The Grim Reaper to The House on the Hill for a conversation.

Death 2For the record, I did try to get the intern with the lazy eye to conduct the interview, but he apparently doesn’t answer when opportunity knocks.

Social media was abuzz about The Grim Reaper’s decision to take a vacation, but not surprisingly, the comments were almost 100% positive and supportive.

When you think about it, Modern Philosophers, only someone with a death wish would go on record as saying that Death didn’t have the right to a personal day.

Nursing homes and retirement communities were the most upbeat about the announcement, and residents vowed to party it up on Halloween since they knew that it would be impossible for them to die.

“We’re anticipating it’s going to be out of control here,” Dawson Babson, The Director of The Serenity Snow Drift Home in Bangor, told this Modern Philosopher.  “We will call in extra staff and set an 8:30 lights out curfew.  That’s an hour later than usual, and we’re hoping our seniors don’t get too rambunctious with that extra sixty minutes.”

death 4Employees scheduled to work at the morgue at Maine hospitals on Halloween were thrilled to suddenly find that they had the day off as well.

“When I first got my schedule and saw I had to work on Halloween, I was bummed because it’s my third favorite holiday,” a morgue worker at EMMC, who wished to remain anonymous, told this Modern Philosopher.  “Now I’m thinking Morgue Party!  How cool is that?  You should totally come and wear your cool toga costume, dude!”

The Governor of Texas, however, is not thrilled.  The state has seven executions planned for Halloween night, and tickets to all seven have been sold out for weeks.  The Governor vowed to talk to Pope Francis about getting some sort of Papal Dispensation to move ahead with things as planned.

As for this Modern Philosopher, I think The Grim Reaper should take a lot more vacation time.  Halloween shouldn’t be the only day of the year when death is a stranger…

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About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Holidays, Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to Grim Reaper To Take Vacation Day On Halloween

  1. The Hook says:

    Your creative engine is a wonder to behold, buddy!
    How do you do it?

  2. oh shoot, i guess i’m still unfamiliar with how things work here. i was referring to what the hook said up there.

  3. Laura Pajari says:

    You always make me laugh! Thanks 😀

  4. Jake Kale says:

    This is excellent news – I’ve always wanted to take up parkour!

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