Jeb Bush Insists He Is Still Running For President!

jeb 1It’s one thing to accuse a Presidential candidate of being a prank caller, Modern Philosophers.

It’s an entirely different thing to tell that “prank caller” that he dropped out of the 2016 Presidential Race months ago.

It was a Major Modern Philosopher Faux Pas.  The phone call went something like this:

Me: Hello?

Caller: Is this Austin?

Me: Yes, it is.  Who’s this?

Caller: Jeb Bush.

(sound of Austin laughing obnoxiously into the phone.)

Caller: This is the Modern Philosopher, right?  I’d love a chance to talk about my campaign on your blog.

Me: Dude, if you’re going to prank call someone, at least pretend to be someone relevant.  Jeb Bush dropped out of the race months ago.

Caller: No I didn’t.  I’m still running for President.  Seriously.

Me: Get a life.  I’ve got a blog to write.

jeb 2We eventually cleared up the confusion after Governor Bush was kind enough to call back several times, put his brother, Former President George W. Bush on the phone, and then contact me via Skype.

Once we were on Skype and I could see the  Bush brothers, the family photos, and the very displeased Secret Service detail, I (kind of ) knew it was not a prank call.

Of course, that didn’t make up for the fact that I honestly believed that Governor Bush was no longer contending for the Republican Presidential nomination.

“That’s exactly why I called, Austin,” Bush explained.  “People have forgotten that I’m running, and I need to get my name back in the headlines.  I saw that you’d written blog posts on Trump, Carson, and Miss Hillary this week, so I wanted my turn.”

“You’ve also written posts about Bernie Sanders and Joe Biden, who isn’t even running.  I’ve given it some Deep Thought, and I believe I deserve equal time!”

He made a persuasive argument, and I did feel like a jerk for not realizing he was still out there on the campaign trail with the other Republican contenders.

jeb 3“My main message to the Modern Philosophers, the voters, and my fellow Americans is that Jeb Bush is still running for President of these Untied States,” he declared while his brother let out an enthusiastic “Yee-ha!” in the background.

“The Bush name is synonymous with the Presidency, and I truly believe it is my turn to live in the White House, and not just as a guest of my parents or my brother.”

I was glad that he clarified that last part, Modern Philosophers, as it was the sort of thing that made me sure I was talking to Jeb Bush.

Prank callers can be very convincing.

“If you could write about me every once in a while, I’d appreciate it,” Bush added.  “I’m fine with being the butt of a joke in a well-written blog post.  All it means is that I’m still relevant and worthy of your Deep Thoughts.”

He then promised to send me a toga with the Jeb! 2016 logo on the back, along with several cases of Bush Beer, and a vow to stop by The House on the Hill when he campaigns in Maine.

Jeb 4He left me with this Deep Thought: “I might not always be in the headlines, but that doesn’t mean I’m not out there running a clean campaign.  Eventually, the American voters are going to realize that they want an actual politician to run this country.  One whose family name is synonymous with The White House and the Presidency!”

Do you mean like Hillary Clinton, Jeb?

Come on, Jeb.  I’m just joking with you.  Isn’t that what you wanted?

For more information on Jeb’s campaign, you’re going to have to do a little digging because I’m actually not convinced that he’s still in the race…

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Philosophy, Politics and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Jeb Bush Insists He Is Still Running For President!

  1. Josh Wrenn says:

    Nice take on this!

  2. jan says:

    “. . .my turn to be in the White House” – ain’t that the truth? Don’t give him any of your deep thoughts!

  3. Joseph Nebus says:

    Me, I just like checking back in on the New Jersey newspapers and how hard they’re trying to pretend Chris Christie is happening.

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