A Hell Of A Show By The Understudy

bookstore“So is the when we’re supposed to get all witty and totally win over the audience?” Ana quipped when she looked up from the tattered paperback she had been devouring on her end of the couch.

She tossed that book into stack to her right, and reached for a new tome from the pile on her left.

The Devil sighed heavily from the opposite side of the couch.  He folded up the Sunday paper, placed it neatly on the table, and wiped a piece of imaginary lint from the arm of his impeccably tailored suit.

“I know you’re one of Austin’s best friends, Vampira the Bookworm, but I can’t believe he abandoned me today and sent you as his understudy,” Lucifer growled as he snatched a Snapple from the cooler in front of the couch.

He thought about toppling the accumulation of discarded books, but even The Prince of Darkness was smart enough not to pick a fight with a Vampire.

AnaEven one as attractive as the Otherworldly Being currently seated to his left.

“There’s no need to give me sass, Devil Dog,” Ana mocked him with a nickname that she knew Satan  despised.  “Austin understands how popular the Sundays With Satan Short Story Series is, and he’s not going to risk tanking the blog’s most popular feature.  Give me a chance.”

The Devil popped the top off of his Snapple and took a long, delicious sip.

“I just don’t understand why he isn’t here,” Lucifer finally admitted with a slight pout on his handsome face.

“He’s out with The Sweet Irish Girl,” Ana reminded him as she pushed her oversize glasses back up the bridge of her nose.  “You’re always after him to find someone new, so why aren’t you being more supportive right now?”

The Prince of Darkness shrugged.  “I guess I look forward to our bro time.  That’s not something the Dark Lord of Hell would normally say, but it’s the truth.  My work week was more Hellish than usual.  Yes, that pun was totally intended and beyond corny.  No offense to you, Draculatta, but I don’t play well off you.”

“I’d much rather read my books in silence, but my friend needed me so I’m taking his place on the couch,” she pointed out as she flipped through the pages of the Dickens classic she had selected as her next readable feast.  “If it would make it easier on you, I could just bite your neck, drain you, and make this a Vampire Monologues kind of thing.”

Devil“Your dark magic wouldn’t work on me,” Satan stated confidently.  “I’m not some naive, hillbilly mortal.”

Ana slammed her book down on the table, unleashing an unexpected cloud of dust that made her sneeze.

The Devil smiled, well, devilishly.

Ana glared as if daring him to even make a comment about the book’s dusty bonus feature.

“First off, it’s not dark magic,” she said matter of factly.  “Secondly, are you sure my bite wouldn’t cause you to change over?”

Lucifer snapped his fingers and his pitchfork flew from the corner, where it had been resting up against the wall, and appeared in his hand.

“You’d never get close enough to even try it,” he challenged.  “Don’t make me prove that Buffy isn’t the baddest Vampire Slayer around.”

Ana laughed.  She laughed so hard that her glasses slid right back down her nose.

buffy“Did you really just play the Buffy card?” she asked as she gasped for air.

“You made me,” The Prince of Darkness insisted as he sent his pitchfork back to the other side of the room.

“I’m sure this bickering isn’t what Austin had in mind when he asked me to take his place today,” Ana offered.

“You’re right,” Satan agreed.  “He probably expected us to act much more professional, come up with something creative, and leave his readers highly entertained.

Ann nodded emphatically.  “When you think about it, pairing a Vampire and The Devil is a very creative idea.  This is the sort of thing that could get a pilot order at Fox.”

“True,” The Devil remarked.  “Odd couple pairings are always a hit.  Plus, Vampires are really hot right now, aren’t they?  I mean, they’re no Zombies, but what really is?”

“Zombies have it easy, though,” Ana pointed out as he pushed the glasses back up her nose and really willed them to stay there once and for all.  “They don’t have to remember lines, or just totally improv a short story like we have to right now.”

Zombies“Does that mean you’d rather be a Zombie?” Lucifer inquired.

“Hell no!” Ana shot back with absolutely zero hesitation.  “I don’t want to spend eternity slowly rotting away and emitting a stench so foul that people smell me long before they ever see me.”

“I like looking this good,” she insisted.  “Just like I’m sure you enjoy looking that good.

The Prince of Darkness smiled at the unexpected compliment.  “We are two of the best looking Otherworldly Beings around.  Do you think that’s enough to make a post?

Ana nodded.  “I’d read it.”

Satan looked at the dozens of paperbacks stacked on either side of her and chuckled.  “That’s not saying much.”

“Quit while you’re ahead, Bub,” Ana advised.

The Devil buttoned his lip and went back to reading the newspaper.

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Philosophy, Writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to A Hell Of A Show By The Understudy

  1. good job as usual austin! oh, sorry, i meant good job ana! this is definitely my favorite series around wordpress. thank for keeping it up!

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