Goodbye Is Hell

airportI have seen great anguish and suffering in my lifetime, Modern Philosophers.

I am not at all afraid to point out that I have often been the source of those afflictions.  In fact, I take great pride in it.

After all, I am The Prince of Darkness.

However, I do not like to bear witness to its effect on someone who I think of as a dear friend.

As you might imagine, The Devil has few friends.

I knew that The Sweet Irish Girl was returning to Ireland today, so I arrived at The House on the Hill prepared for the worst.  I was armed with an enormous platter of my infamous Hellfire Chicken Wings and a case of Snapple.

I had been willing to skip my weekly visit to Maine, but when I called to excuse myself from the Sunday festivities, Austin was adamant that this was not acceptable.

“The Sundays With Satan Short Story Series is my favorite feature on the blog,” The Modern Philosopher groaned from his end of the phone.  “Besides, The Sweet Irish Girl is a huge fan, and there’s no way I’m letting her down.”

So it was decided.  I was going to be there for a friend in need, and I put my Demons to work whipping up his favorite appetizer and fetching his favorite drink.

DevilLucifer not only knows how to make deals, but he also knows how to deal.

“Love the Star Wars jacket!” I complimented him as I strode into the living room and placed the wings on the table directly in front of the moping blogger.

“Thanks,” Austin mumbled without looking up from his phone.  “I bought it at Walmart.”

I heard a gentle growl escape from my throat as I pushed the platter of wings a little closer so that their scent might hit his nose and wake him from his depressed slumber.

The growl was because I did not like Walmart.  I had a sneaking suspicion that my former employer was behind the superstore’s success, because he knew that I would see the place as a Hell on Earth.

There is only one Hell, however, Modern Philosophers, and I am its one Lord and Master.

There are no rollbacks, blue light specials, or overly perky blue vested greeters in Hell.

But I digress.  This short story is supposed to be about my efforts to cheer up Austin on this most painful of days.

Okay.  Fine.  This short story is about my friend’s anguish.

I can’t help it.  I always want to make myself the lead.

It just makes sense.

heros 1“She’s on her way back to Ireland, I take it?” I asked as I walked around the table and put Snapple into the cooler on the floor.

As I’d suspected, the Moping Philosopher had allowed his supply of his favorite drink to run out.  He had hit the bottle to deal with the pain, but had forgotten to secure new bottles.

Thank Heavens for me.

I had to laugh at that one.  What wit.

Austin mumbled something about The Sweet Irish Girl’s having left earlier in the afternoon, and he just kept staring at his phone.

I glanced over his shoulder to see what was so mesmerizing, and discovered that he was looking at a photo of the lovely couple during happier times earlier in the week.

“I brought you wings and Snapple,” I informed him softly.

I was going to point out that I had also worn my finest Irish suit, made by a master tailor from the very same Irish capital from which his beloved hailed, but I didn’t think he’d even bother to look up to admire how perfectly it hung on my frame.

“Thanks,” he grunted.

“She really is beautiful,” I told the Modern Philosopher as I sat down on the other end of the couch and helped myself to a Snapple.  “I don’t know how you got someone that wonderful to fall for you, but she’s definitely a keeper.”

heart-snow“I just tell people I made a deal with The Devil,” he quipped as the first hint of a smile appeared on his sad, handsome face.

“That means a lot, my friend,” I replied sincerely.  “I get a good percentage of my business through references, so I will thank you in advance for all the new business your lie will bring me.”

Austin snatched a Snapple out of the cooler and held up the bottle.  “If I’m going to be in Hell, everyone else might as well be, too!”

I tapped his bottle and we drank to his toast.

I really am an excellent friend!

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About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Dating, Humor, Love, Philosophy, Writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to Goodbye Is Hell

  1. adamjasonp says:

    This the first time writing in The Devil’s POV?

  2. i didn’t know the devil could write too! maybe you should let him write a few more. good job Austin. thanks for this sunday’s episode!

    • Austin says:

      It was really cool of him to write last night’s post when I was in a bit of a funk. He is now available to guest blog for anyone else. Just let him know… 🙂

  3. Devil of a good post, old chap.

  4. donedreaming says:

    Nice to hear from the Devil himself. So what happens now International Man of Maine? Will we see you over this side of the pond, are you giving it all up for love, will you become even more prolific suffering the pains of long distance love? I feel a change on the breeze …

  5. Ocean Bream says:

    Loved reading from the devil’s POV. He can be a charming chap, the old devil. I hope you feel better soon, Austin.

  6. donedreaming says:

    I’m saying no more .. other than she’s fab 🙂

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