Which Presidential Hopeful Would You Invite To Thanksgiving?

T Day 6I don’t know about you, Modern Philosophers, but I have been swamped with requests from the 2016 Presidential Hopefuls to attend Thanksgiving dinner at The House on the Hill.

It has nothing to do with my cooking (in)ability, but rather their hope that a little one on one time will allow them to persuade me to write about them more on my blog.

The thing is, I’m more likely to write about a politician either when he or she does something ridiculous, or least expects me to mock them.

I can’t be bought with polite dinner conversation and the gift of Snapple and apple pie.

My Deep Thoughts don’t work that way.  I simply write what the voices in my head command me to put on the interwebs for you to enjoy.

I do, however, think it would be a fun Thanksgiving Eve Philosophical Exercise to decide which Presidential Hopeful I would invite to Thanksgiving Dinner…

Chris ChristieHello no to Chris Christie!  My favorite part of Thanksgiving is snacking on the leftovers all weekend.  Something tells me there are no leftovers when this guy comes to dinner.

Plus, it’s nearly impossible to get the wretched stench of New Jersey out of your house once you’ve let it inside.

Prez 2Jeb Bush, we all know you’re still in the race only because your Dad and brother will never let you live it down if you don’t follow in their footsteps to the White House.

We also know you’re more likely to end up in a White Castle than in the White House.

He might be fun to joke with for a little while, but I see him hunkering down on the couch with a case of Bush Beer to watch the Cowboys game.  Boring.

Joe Biden Campaigns In South FloridaI know he said he’s not running, but I’d still consider Joe Biden as my Thanksgiving guest.

I see him as the cool uncle, who shows up in a ’67 Mustang and insists I take it for a spin while he sips a Scotch and whistles at cute women from the passenger seat.

He’d probably give me a wad of bills and tell me to buy something nice with it.  Maybe he’d convince me to enter into some wild business venture with him, or ask me to follow him around during his last year in the White House and write his biography.

Prez 4I keep flip flopping on Hillary Clinton, almost as much as she flip flops on the issues.

My Deep Thoughts tell me that she would be a great conversationalists, and being able to brag that I had Thanksgiving Dinner with the (maybe possibly) first female President of the United States would be awesome.

Then again, something about her conjures up memories of my Evil Stepmother, and I’ve already spent way too many Thanksgivings with that woman.

If she brings Bill, though, the scales do tip in her favor…

Prez 6Donald Trump has a chance simply for the entertainment value.  I think he’d keep me in stitches all afternoon with his wild boasts and crazy stories.

I could probably convince him to pay off my mortgage and maybe even finance one or two of my screenplays, so that makes the idea of inviting him very tempting.

Of course, all the crazy talk would remind me of my ex-father-in-law and that was not a man I liked very much.

I’m also afraid Cali and Luna would constantly attack that thing on his head because they’d be desperate to play with it.

Tough call.  Huge decision.  HUUUUUUUGE!  Of course, it would be the top rated Thanksgiving Dinner in the history of The House on the Hill…

Prez 5As a huge fan of Doc Brown, I have to be a big fan of Bernie Sanders.  How cool would it be to have the twins, separated at birth, reunited at my dining room table on Thanksgiving?

That would probably be the entertainment story of the year, and I’d have the scoop for my blog.  Just think of all the hits I’d get when that post goes viral!

On the other hand, Bernie gives off a definite Crazy Uncle vibe.  I can see him showing up with his own food packed in ancient Tupperware containers.  He’d probably make me crank up the heat because his frail body would be too cold.  What if he complains that I’m a one percenter just because I put out cloth napkins for Thanksgiving?

If I could get him to put on a lab coat and arrive in a DeLorean, I’d probably decide to Bern Baby Bern.  Do you think he’d do it?

Prez 7Ben Carson is my leader in the Thanksgiving Invite Race, though.

He’s just so mellow and quiet, and he always looks like how I feel after I devour a humongous Thanksgiving Dinner.

He’d fit right in at The House on the Hill tomorrow…even more so if he arrived in a comfy pair of sweatpants and announced he was a huge football fan.

I’ve still got a lot of Deep Thoughts to ponder before I make a decision on this one…

Which Presidential hopeful would you invite to Thanksgiving?

Advertisements

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Holidays, Humor, Philosophy, Politics and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to Which Presidential Hopeful Would You Invite To Thanksgiving?

  1. Definitely Joe Biden. Hillary…….ok, too. She and Joe seem to be the only people who know what is going on in the world and how to go about handling it.They’ve had the experience that no one else has had.

  2. Quite a clever post. I love it! As for who I woul d invite to chow down at my house, I would do a write-in candidate. Perhaps Bill Pullman. He played a president in Independence Day; he is a single father, an Air Force pilot,he’s got a swagger and now knows what happened at Area 51. And he saved the world from aliens. He also is coming back in Independence Day 2, so it shows he has the power to last a second term.

  3. jan says:

    Clearly the winner of the T-day posts! Congrats!! So hilarious. Gosh, I really don’t want to have dinner with any of them but you can always come and join us. Are you running for president? The Back to the Future Party?

    • Austin says:

      So glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for the kind words. 🙂

      I’m planning on a relaxing day tomorrow with lots of football, a run, and some writing! Happy Thanksgiving.

  4. Not to add more to your decision making plate – but I’ve heard Rand Paul makes a mean mac & cheese.

  5. Joe, and if I couldn’t have him then Bernie would be fine.

  6. donedreaming says:

    At the risk of being sexist go for Hillary, I bet she can cook as well as rule the World!! Get her tiddly on wine and she could regale you with stories about Bill – just remember to spill the beans to us afterwards! Happy Thanksgiving Awesome 😀

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s