How To Be Thankful When You’re Really Just Grumpy

T dinnerOn Thanksgiving, try not to forget, Modern Philosophers, that the holidays are a difficult time for some people.

I’m spending Thanksgiving alone, and I’m missing The Sweet Irish Girl terribly, so I’m not exactly in the best of moods.

Quite frankly, if you were Snow White, I’d be Grumpy.

There’s no reason for me to let this all get me down, though.  I can still be thankful even though The House on the Hill is quiet and there’s no turkey roasting in the oven.

You can be thankful, too.  Here are some ideas to help you get your thank on…

There’s no work today.  Thanksgiving is a National Holiday, so even the worst boss in the world can’t make you go to work.  While spending Thanksgiving alone might not be the best option, it’s got to be better than spending it with your coworkers, right?

Rockwell, Thanksgiving.jpgFocus on the positives.  Maybe you can’t get your thanks up today for reasons you can’t really explain.  If that’s the case, fantasize about things that make you happy, and see if that gets the blood flowing to your thanks.  The new Star Wars movie is out in less than a month.  Christmas is coming.  It’s almost the weekend.  There’s got to be something out there that makes you less flaccid in the gratitude department.

Go severely negative.  I know this one sounds crazy, Modern Philosophers, but it works.  Fill your head with the worst Deep Thoughts imaginable.  Focus on death, losing a limb, having your loved one leave you, or the idea that J.J. Abrams totally ruins Star Wars.

Once you’re in this dark, scary, horrendous place, think about how, aside from being a bit pissy, all is well with your world.  That will put things into perspective very quickly and make you realize you have many things for which to be thankful.

Stuff your face.  JEG…Just Eat, Grumpy!  Thanksgiving is all about comfort food and stuffing your face until you need to undo the top button on your pants.  Eat your feelings and you will be sweating out thankfulness as you pass out for a nap on the couch.

boozeConsume alcohol.  Maybe you’ve noticed that this post isn’t as coherent as you’ve come to expect from the writings on this blog, Modern Philosophers.  That could be because a certain Grumpy Gus has been drinking wine spritzers because they remind him of The Sweet Irish Girl who got him hooked on them in the first place.  Sure, I might not remember writing this post in the morning, but it will be forever trapped on the interwebs to haunt me for all eternity.  And for that I am thankful.  Who needs another round?

The Zombie Apocalypse has not yet arrived.  If I’m ever in a severe black cloud situation, I can always pull myself out of it by reminding myself that at least the world isn’t overrun by Zombies, who would totally be all about eating my big, juicy brain.  As crappy as life can be, it can get even worse if just one virus gets out of hand.

Family has to go home eventually.  My lonely Thanksgiving puts me in my grumpy pants, but I know that for others, it’s being surrounded by family that ruins the holiday.  So if you’re one of those poor souls being swarmed by aunts, uncles, cousins, and in laws who are using only heard from via weirdo Facebook posts, focus on the fact that they will all go back to someplace you are not once the holiday is done.  Just figure out a way to get through dessert, and you’ll be able to leave the nightmare behind.

T Day 1Watch football. The Pilgrims invented Thanksgiving Football for a reason, Modern Philosophers.  They knew that mindlessly watching hours of large men running, tackling, colliding, and high fiving would numb our brains so much that we would no longer have the capacity to be grumpy.

Remember that you’re not a turkey.  If all else fails, Modern Philosophers, simply remind yourself that you’re not a turkey.  This means no one is going to chop off your head, pull off all your feathers, gut you, stuff you with something other than your internal organs, bake you for hours, and then eat you. Holy $%^& I’m incredibly thankful that I’m not a turkey!  Those poor creatures…

Read the newspaper (if you can find one).  Nothing makes me feel more thankful than checking out the news.  The world has really become a horrible and scary place, and I’m thankful that I’m alive, safe, and not going through some of the things I read about whenever I make the mistake of checking on what’s going on in the world.

trump 1Look in the mirror.  If you don’t see Donald Trump looking back at you, then you really should be thankful!

My wine glass is empty, so I definitely need to wrap up this post and head back out into the kitchen for a refill.

Before I go, though, I just want to make sure you know that it’s okay to be down today.

However, if you want to try to be thankful and see what all the hype is about, these tips should help you achieve that goal.

Plus, you can always write to me.  My wine and I would be more than happy to offer you additional positive words of wisdom.  Free of charge.  After all, it is Thanksgiving!


About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Holidays, Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to How To Be Thankful When You’re Really Just Grumpy

  1. Hey grumpy guys, you’re never alone while The Sweet Irish Girl holds your heart 🙂

  2. Christie says:

    I started out yesterday, contemplating all I have to be grateful for. I was truly grateful that I was the only one awake and I got the first cup of coffee instead of the dregs on the bottom of the pot like usual. After everyone was awake, I had to work really hard at remaining grateful.

    I am never, ever, EVER alone. I would do anything for some solitude. The grass is always greener…

  3. ‘Family has to go home eventually’ Hahaha! I see what you mean about imagining the absolute ridiculously worst things that could happen to put things into perspective.

  4. Very nice post, and I am so thankful (see what I did there?) to see I am not the only one that sips and posts on occasion.

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