Nothing screams that more than today’s news conference, which he attended in sweatpants and a hideous Christmas sweater, and declared that the Saturday after Thanksgiving shall now be known as Stuffing Saturday.
“And you can feel free to drop the g on Stuffing, and just call it Stuffin’ Saturday,” The President told the press corps. “It’s more fun to be casual with it.”
When reporters pressed him on why he felt the need to add Stuffing Saturday to American calendars, The Commander in Chief replied, “I want it to be my legacy. Black Friday and Cyber Monday are such a part of American culture now, and no one remembers who came up with those days. I want to put it on record that President Barack Obama officially added Stuffing Saturday to American culture on November 28, 2015.”
Luckily, Modern Philosophers, he stopped short of stating that Stuffing Saturday was a day that would live in infamy.
But why Stuffing Saturday? To what is that a reference?
The Leader of the Free World chuckled at the question.
“Obviously, it alludes to the great American tradition of enjoying Thanksgiving leftovers after the holiday. What’s better than a big bowl of stuffing with a little gravy? Toss that in the microwave for ninety seconds, and you’ve got a yummy Stuffing Saturday treat. Or make a cold turkey sandwich and add some stuffing in there on top of the turkey and under the mayo. That’s a personal favorite, and I’ve already had two of those today. Hence the sweatpants!”
In a society that’s already too obese, out of shape, and on the brink of dying out simply because fast food joints can’t open up fast enough to support the demand to feed the burger addicted masses, is it really a good idea to name a holiday after food?
“I thought someone would bring up that point, so I am prepared,” the President quipped with a smile. “In the spirit of the Holiday Season, Stuffing Saturday is also about stuffing envelopes, mailboxes, and mailbags with Holiday cards and presents. On this day, we encourage Americans to spread some Holiday joy by stuffing at least one card or present in the mail. The Post Office could sure use the business!”
President Obama then led the press corps in a stirring, yet off key rendition of Jingle Bells.
So Stuffing Saturday is the bridge that connects Thanksgiving and Christmas?
“I understand that not every American celebrates a Winter Holiday, be it Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or Festivus, so Stuffing Saturday is also meant to honor those proud citizens that engage in an activity that is not always viewed in a positive light. It is my hope that this new holiday will bring honor and respect to those fellow Americans.
“I’m talking, of course, about taxidermists…”
“Alright, there’s a bowl of gravy calling my name, and some Holiday cards that need to be written, so I’m gonna go,” President Obama casually informed reporters. “I want you all to have a happy Stuffin’ Saturday, and next year, we’ll get together here again to celebrate my last Stuffin’ Saturday as your President. Thank you!”
And with that, the President sauntered off to enjoy the riches of the newest Holiday.
Happy Stuffing Saturday, Modern Philosophers. May your day with stuffed with joy!