Does Rudolph’s Red Nose Indicate A Drinking Problem?

Rudolph 1I don’t know about you, Modern Philosophers, but I can’t wait to watch Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer tonight.

It is a Holiday staple at The House on the Hill, and it fills my heart with Christmas Spirit to see that little red nosed cutie overcome great odds and the pains of ostracism to save Christmas.

That awesome Rankin/Bass stop motion animation magic always makes me feel warm and fuzzy, and after the day I had, I could use Rudolph’s help to guide me out of my work world funk and into the Christmas Season.

Of course, while we’re watching Rudolph’s life story unfold on the small screen tonight, most of us probably won’t even notice that certain aspects of the life of “the most famous Reindeer of all” didn’t make the final cut.

What I’m talking about, of course, is Rudolph’s drinking problem…

We know Rudolph is a friend of Santa, but is he also a friend of Bill?

We know Rudolph is a friend of Santa, but is he also a friend of Bill?

I’m totally not judging, of course.

It’s just that, in my humble opinion, Rudolph would be an excellent role model for people and animals battling problems with drinking.

I live in Maine, so I know what it’s like to endure a brutal Winter.  I’m sure it’s much worse up at The North Pole, and a few stiff drinks is a good way to warm up after a long day of working out to prepare for Christmas Eve.

I’m sure there are a few bars up at The North Pole, and what bartender is ever going to refuse to serve a celebrity of Rudolph’s stature?

Buying rounds is a great way to keep warm!

Buying rounds is a great way to keep warm!

I’m just trying to be supportive, Modern Philosophers.  If Rudolph’s red nose is from a problem with alcohol, he should own it and come clean with his adoring fans.

And it would make for the perfect sequel to the fifty year old classic, wouldn’t it?  With the technology we have today, I bet they could put together a Holiday Special that makes us feel like we’re right there in rehab with Rudolph!

The title could be something like: Rudolph’s Twelve Steps Of Christmas…

An anonymous source says the booze flowed!

An anonymous source says the booze flowed!

Of course, this isn’t the first time Rudolph’s alleged drinking problem has come to light just as the Christmas Special that bears his name was about to air.

Three years ago, an anonymous source told TMZ that “the booze flowed, parties went to all hours, and Rudolph was always the life of the party and last to leave…”

The North Pole Legal Department quickly worked to refute and quiet the claims, but several people “in the know” (aka Elves and Reindeer) have told this Modern Philosopher that Donner was TMZ’s source.

I find it interesting, though, that none of these insiders ever said that Donner was lying.

A slow night for Rudolph?

A slow night for Rudolph?

In the end, I don’t really care if Rudolph addresses the drinking rumors, or simply allows his legend to remain unblemished.

I’m going to be in front of my TV tonight watching his story, singing along, and rooting for him to save the day regardless.

A True Christmas Hero!

A True Christmas Hero!

Because in the end, Rudolph is a hero, the misfit who learned to not only fit in, but to also become the coolest Reindeer of all.

And for that, he will go down in history…

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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17 Responses to Does Rudolph’s Red Nose Indicate A Drinking Problem?

  1. And the fact Rudolph is female. Males wouldn’t have antlers in December.

  2. Josh Wrenn says:

    Do you think he has ever Flown Under the Influence?

  3. The Cutter says:

    There are sequels to Rudolph, although I’m not familiar enough to know if they discuss a drinking problem

  4. Mindy says:

    The next movie should be “Rudolph and the Christmas Intervention”

  5. When I was writing interactive murder mysteries, I wrote “Who Killed the Grinch?” (it may have had a better title; I don’t recall) in which one of the suspects was Rudolf, and that was indeed the source of his red nose. My husband Steven played the part carrying a flask, which he said was his energy juice or some such nonsense.

  6. markbialczak says:

    No FWI for Rudolph, right, Austin? 🙂 I want to see him pass that roadside test with flying colors!

  7. ronnieuwannapeaceome says:

    I heard is PR team released a statement saying his red nose was due to hayfever and other allergies, which I don’t buy given the climate of the North Pole.
    The other rumour is it is more hardcore. We’re talking ‘nose candy’ which would explain all the photos of him in the ‘snow’.

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