Is It Possible To Outrun The Christmas Desserts?

desserts 3The short answer, Modern Philosophers, to the question posed in this post’s title is an emphatic NO!

I’ve done decades of research, collecting all kinds of receipts so that I can be reimbursed by the government for my work, and the results are always the same…

Christmas makes me fat!

Not Santa Claus fat.

At least not yet, but I have definitely come close to being mistaken for the big guy when I was haunted by the Ghosts of Christmas Desserts Past.

Another comment like that, and it's straight to the Naughty List for you, Writer Boy!

Another comment like that, and it’s straight to the Naughty List for you!

The winter weight gain is inevitable, Modern Philosophers.  In fact, it’s something mankind has done for ages to survive the long, harsh winters.

We pack on the pounds to keep us warm, and we become less active because the world outside is scary and cold.

Then we live off that fat until the snow disappears, the temperature rises, and it’s safe to go back outside again.

Of course, over time, we’ve stopped losing that winter fact because we’re no longer running from dinosaurs or working eighteen hour days in the fields to bring in the crops.

We’re a spoiled, lazy people, and every winter, we pack more winter pounds on top of all the pounds still there from the previous winters.

desserts 1How are we supposed to resist the Attack of the Christmas Desserts?  Even if I weren’t Catholic, I’d be all up in the Happy Birthday, Jesus treats.

Calories don’t care about your religion.  They just want to love you.

desserts 2And I want to love them back.  I want to give them all the love I can.

This is the Season of Giving, isn’t it?

So give me some desserts!!!

desserts 4It’s a proven Scientific Fact (capitalized for emphasis) that “desserts” is “stressed” spelled backwards.  Grab a mirror if you don’t believe me!

One doesn’t need to be a writer and master of words to know that this means that desserts will reverse the effects of a stressed life.

We need to devour Christmas desserts for our mental health and well being.

Eat me, you naughty boy!

Eat me, you naughty boy!

Look at Santa Claus.  The guy is literally a Saint, and all he wants as payment for his Christmas work is to have Christmas desserts left out for him.

If it’s good enough for St. Nick, it’s good enough for this Modern Philosopher.

I have to run how many miles to burn off those Christmas cookies???

I have to run how many miles to burn off those Christmas cookies???

Unlike Calories of Christmas Past, the Christmas Calories of 2015 aren’t just going to overpopulate my stomach, though.

This year, I’m six months deep into my running program.  I’ve got over 100 runs under my toga already, Modern Philosophers, and I’m still hitting the road five days a week.

It’s the first week of December, and I’m going strong.  I’ve been out for several runs when the temperature was in the teens, and my new cold weather gear kept me toasty.

Under the mask I'm eating chocolate cake...

You can’t tell, but under the mask I’m eating chocolate cake…

I ran four miles this morning, and it was so nice out that I didn’t need my mask or hood.  A milder winter would definitely help me stay active.

Of course, my desire to inhale Christmas desserts like they are the key to eternal life is a very strong motivation for me to continue with my running program.

This is the year that I don’t want to pack on weight over the winter.  Hell, I am going to be so bold as to say that I plan to lose weight.

All without having to give up my precious Christmas desserts.

I'm saying Bah Humbug to fat, but wanting to stuff my face with the Christmas Spirit. And in this scenario, Christmas Spirit is really Christmas desserts!

I’m saying Bah Humbug to fat, but I want to stuff my face with the Christmas Spirit. And in this scenario, Christmas Spirit is really Christmas desserts!

So in conclusion, Modern Philosophers, it is virtually impossible to outrun Christmas desserts.  What you can do, however, is make them your running partner and allow them to motivate you to sweat off all the calories and then some.

Why deprive yourself of Christmas Joy when the Holiday only rolls around once a year?

Embrace your inner Santa (if you can get your arms around him) and then let your Inner Runner Boy/Girl take care of the rest.

Happy Holidays!  Now go have some dessert!!!

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Christmas, Fitness, Holidays, Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to Is It Possible To Outrun The Christmas Desserts?

  1. Well, it IS the season to be jolly… Years ago, when I was doing martial arts, several of us worked out that the actual energy expended in a 90 minute class was the calorific equivalent to a 500ml glass of beer. This led to about half the class hiving off to the local bar after Saturday classes for that essential beer to replace the lost energy. The only problem was that one 500 ml glass led to 48 more and… er…

  2. Ummm…no offence, but…who would want to give up desserts such as the ones pictured? Not me. Sorry. Or, maybe not sorry…

  3. donedreaming says:

    What about trying for quality not quantity? We are the only animal who tries to lose weight at the coldest, darkest time of year – no wonder we fail miserably. You’ll have plenty of time afterwards to get that bikini body ready 🙂

  4. The Cutter says:

    Fat and happy, am I right?

  5. Rica@ Yoga Mat Monkey says:

    I think you just gave me permission to indulge without guilt. The fact that I live in Florida and am still in sandals as I type this means nothing. It’s still “winter,” so I’m entitled to the winter weight gain, too!

  6. Rica@ Yoga Mat Monkey says:

    ha ha! I always do 🙂

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