Even Germs Have Christmas Wishes

Christmas tree 2I don’t like to advance stereotypes, Modern Philosophers, but today was totally a Monday.  Didn’t even have to look at a calendar to tell you that one.

It started with my waking up with a nasty sore throat, and it’s gone downhill since.

Of course, it being the Christmas Season, I’m trying to be as positive as possible.  So when I awakened with that throat problem, I just shrugged it off as being caused by the heat being on all night.

When I got out of bed to discover I was achy all over, I just smiled and told myself that my running was obviously having an effect.  Then I found the silver lining by reminding myself that Monday was my day off from running.

Plenty of time for my sore muscles and creaky joints to mend.

Sick 1Twelve hours later, I’m wearing a Santa hat, my robe, and a look that tells the world I have no interest in dashing through the snow any time soon.

It’s going to be a silent night at The House on the Hill, but only because there’s no one here to whine to about how sick I am.

You’ll just have to do for now, Modern Philosophers.

heros 5Trust me, My Sweet Irish Girlfriend did her best to take care of me from her side of the Atlantic Ocean.  I could sense that she was in close contact with her village’s Council of Leprechaun Elders all day as she desperately searched for a cure for what ailed me.

Her constant course of action was to plead with me to leave work and return to The House on the Hill to rest.  I constantly replied that it wasn’t in my work ethic to bail on the job once I’d arrived for the day.

Besides, going home to an empty house with no one to nurse me back to health didn’t sound at all appealing.

I did compromise, however, (because that’s what you do when you love someone!) and agreed to stop at the chemist (her adorable Irish way of speaking) on the way home to pick up some medicine.

Clearly, the American health system prescribes different meds from its Irish counterpart!

Apparently, the American healthcare system prescribes different meds than its Irish counterpart!

It appears that the Irish healthcare system treats a deadly Christmas cold differently than we do here in American.

I sent the above photo to my girlfriend, showing her the medications I had purchased to battle the germs that have decided to Christmas in my body.

The Sweet Irish Girl texted back, in a manner that might have been short on sweet, but heavy on the Irish temper, that I had not only bought the wrong kind of medicine, but that I had also erred in buying instant mashed potatoes.

Trust me, Modern Philosophers, I know not to argue with the Irish when it comes to potatoes.  However, I think the cold medicine was spot on and ice cream makes everything better…especially a sore throat.

jingle bellsSince my Sweetheart has a background in the medical field, I really shouldn’t bust her Jingle Bells when it comes to health issues.

Plus, do you have any idea how difficult it is to win an argument with an angry Irish woman who also went to Law School?

Anyone who knows me well enough, though, understands that I’m a big baby when I’m sick and I’m not giving up my ice cream just because the person who cares for me knows that dairy isn’t good for an upset stomach.

I’m older, so that makes me wiser, right?

No, it just makes me an old fart stupidly arguing with the beautiful younger woman who loves me.  I blame it on the germs.

Sick 4sick 5Could it be that I’m just having an allergic reaction to my hideous Tabasco Christmas ties?

They made their triumphant return today with this beauty, and suddenly I’m sick.  There has got to be a connection there.

Oh well, the tie is off, the Santa hat is on, and a big bowl of mashed potatoes awaits.

I know that germs have Christmas wishes, too, but why did they have to ask Santa for a warm, cozy place to spend the holiday?  Maybe the better question to ask is: Why did Santa Claus send the germs to vacation inside of me?

Hope you’re all feeling much better than I.  Happy Holidays!


About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Christmas, Dating, Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

26 Responses to Even Germs Have Christmas Wishes

  1. OneDizzyBee says:

    It is very awesome to see that I’m not the only one who believes in the healing power of the peanut butter-chocolate ice cream. I showed this to my husband as proof, because we all know if it’s on the internet, it must be true.

    • Austin says:

      As I told The Sweet Irish Girl, ice cream is good for a sore throat and it coats my upset tummy. She doesn’t get that. What are they teaching kids in Irish schools? That’s why I want to know!!!

  2. Gail Kaufman says:

    Potatoes? Haven’t you heard that chicken soup cures the common cold?

  3. grannyK says:

    Don’t let the word “Idahoan” on those potatoes fool you! I have had those (I live in Idaho) and to me, they are salt with a little potato added lol. BLEH. But, I do know that when you are not feeling well, peeling, slicing and boiling potatoes might be a bit too much work! I do hope you feel a bit better tomorrow. I had that same thing most of last week. Sore throat and body aches.

    • Austin says:

      Thank you for getting it. I just wanted something quick and simple since I’m so tired. Even more so now that I’ve been on the phone being cross examined by My Sweet Irish Girlfriend who is also a lawyer… 🙂

  4. nolanwrites says:

    I’m definitely blaming the germs for terrible your choice of spuds lol. Either that or I mustn’t be having enough of an Irish influence on you!! Hopefully you feel better soon!

  5. I’m so sorry that you’re sick, Austin,
    That said, I’m giggling with delight over your Irish girlfriend. Clearly, I have been away for too long. I’d like to read more about her.
    Get better soon, and I promise not to stay away for so long!

  6. D. Parker says:

    Hope you feel better soon, Austin. 🙂

  7. Tim Gatewood says:

    This “Sweet Irish Girl” is a doctor and a lawyer? And all the photos you’ve posted are of the back of someone’s head. Hmm. Are you SURE that you’re not writing fiction while stalking some random woman and taking her picture without her knowing about it? As they used to say on tv, Enquiring Minds Have to Know! :p

    Seriously, the Idahoan instant potatoes aren’t bad, especially if you just want some comfort food. Chicken soup IS more likely to help you get better and ice cream ain’t going to help at all. A shot of whiskey couldn’t hurt, either, and you could even make it Irish whiskey, which I’m sure your (imaginary? 😉 ) Irish girlfriend would approve.

    Get some rest. Your funny posts are often the highlight of my day.

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