The next time I see Mark Zuckerberg, I will definitely run this one past him.
It’s a relationship status that I would add to my Facebook page immediately, even without The Sweet Irish Girl telling me to do so. You know, in hopes of impressing her and showing her that I’ve learned my lesson.
As difficult as it might be for you to believe, Modern Philosophers, I screwed up again.
If there were a chalkboard in The House on the Hill, I would’ve spent the afternoon writing My girlfriend is always right over and over on it until even Bart Simpson was impressed.
So you’re probably wondering what in the world I did this time…
I am an incredible baby when I’m sick. I’m sure any psychiatrist would tell me it is due to the fact that my Mom died when I was three.
I grew up a Motherless Boy, with no one to take care of me when I needed it most.
So even as a grown man, I long to be babied when I’m ill. I actually don’t get sick very often, which I think is because I am well aware that no one will be there to look after me, so there’s no point in even bothering.
Yesterday, I had the Common Christmas Cold. My Sweet Irish Girlfriend begged and pleaded with me to leave work to go home and rest.
This guy, the one with the Film degree who runs around in a toga, told her and her medical background that she was wrong and insisted on staying at work.
What was my mistake here, Modern Philosophers? What had I forgotten?
My girlfriend is always right!
I took some medicine, I went to bed, I didn’t get up early for my run, and I medically cleared myself to go to work today.
Just call me Dr. Austin.
Or The Dunce.
Whichever you prefer.
The Common Christmas Cold, which I thought had passed, morphed into the Festivus Flu somewhere around noon.
This time, when My Sweet And Brilliant Irish Girlfriend told me to go home, I listened.
Not only had I learned my lesson, but it was also obvious that sitting upright in my desk chair wasn’t going to be possible much longer.
There was only one problem…
While I desperately wanted to heed my girlfriend’s advice and go home, the thought of driving, in what was a heavy snow at the time, only made my stomach worse.
The Sweet Irish Girl pointed out that driving in the snow while it was still early afternoon was much better than driving in it when it was pitch black after work.
And something immediately occurred to me…
My girlfriend is always right.
So I drove home.
After cleaning the snow off Zombie Car on a day when I hadn’t worn gloves or a hat.
I swerved on the highway once on the drive home because it was slick and hadn’t been plowed or sanded yet, but I made it home alive.
And feeling like death.
My Sweetheart talked to me on the phone almost all afternoon, which was definitely what this big baby needed.
I even took my temperature when she demanded, and promised to stay home tomorrow if I am still airing my grievances with the Festivus Flu.
That’s progress, right?
You know what I learned today, Modern Philosophers? Being sick isn’t so bad when somebody loves you and is willing to put up with your nonsense.
I also learned that My girlfriend is always right…