Like how do I tell the woman I love that the dark clouds have returned, and I just don’t feel my usual charming and silly self today?
How do I explain to someone I adore, who is so filled with the Christmas Spirit, that Christmas is an extremely difficult time for me?
Don’t get me wrong, Modern Philosophers…because of My Sweet Irish Girlfriend, I have been enjoying Christmas much more than usual. She has personally been responsible for my heart growing three sizes, but some days I just want to sneak into Whoville and steal everything from the presents to the roast beast.
This is one such day.
It started out like any other day. I awakened to discover loving messages from my Sweetheart waiting for me on my phone. Then she called me, and even though I was still very much asleep, I chatted away with her.
Because I love her.
Once I got out of bed, however, I could tell that something wasn’t right. I just couldn’t get myself motivated to take a shower and make some breakfast.
I had an appointment to get my hair cut, but all I wanted to do was sit on the couch and surf mindlessly across the internet as a green furry force wrapped itself around my brain.
The dark clouds had returned, much to my dismay, and I wouldn’t touch them with a thirty-nine and a half foot pole…
I contemplated telling her that I was having a Blue Christmas without her, but I didn’t want to ruin her day. She loves Christmas more than anyone I’ve ever known, and she is always telling me about her plans to bring Christmas back to The House on the Hill.
To be honest, my Christmas Blues are something I’ve come to accept, but they are so difficult to explain to others. My coworkers don’t understand why I won’t decorate my desk, or why I don’t participate in the office Secret Santa.
People look at me like I’m green and covered in fur when I tell them I plan to spend Christmas alone, won’t be putting up a tree, and I just think of the December 25th as a day that I don’t have to go to work.
I can tell that The Sweet Irish Girl doesn’t quite get why I’m not so enthusiastic about Christmas, and I don’t want to scare her off because she means so much to me.
So as she has been texting me, I’ve been replying that I don’t feel myself. That is the truth, and I don’t mind if she assumes it to mean I am under the weather.
I don’t want her to spend her day worrying about her Grumpy American.
Afternoon naps are rare, even at my advanced age, so I worried that I had blacked out and stolen all my neighbors’ Christmas decorations and presents.
A quick check of The House on the Hill revealed that, at the very least, I hadn’t been stupid enough to stash the stolen goods on my property. Hopefully, I had really just napped.
I had an overwhelming urge for chocolate, so I bundled up against the bitter cold, and walked to the grocery store to purchase sweets. Sometimes, the dark clouds will accept an offering of chocolate and be on their way.
Other times, the chocolate makes me hate myself for being overweight, and a few more dark clouds gather overhead.
One of the reasons I am so eager to get My Sweet Irish Girlfriend to share my life with me is that I know she will use her knowledge of Leprechaun Magic to exorcise my Inner Grinch and replace it with the Christmas Spirit.
Love is a very powerful weapon against the dark clouds, and I am a much better fighter when I don’t walk into battle alone.
My longtime primary care physician, Dr. Jekyll, once explained it to me like this: “Sometimes, we just don’t feel like ourselves. It’s natural. There’s nothing weird or monstrous about it. Like all things, it will pass and you will feel like yourself again.”
So maybe this will be my last Blue Christmas. I’d really like to experience Christmas the way those around me do.
Their days seem so merry and bright, without a dark cloud in sight.
Merry Christmas to all, especially to that amazing woman across the Atlantic, who loves me for reasons even my Deepest Thoughts cannot comprehend…