Father Time Stuns World By Signing One Year Extension

Father Time firstIn a stunning development, Father Time announced today that he has signed a one year contract extension, Modern Philosophers.

While the terms of this unprecedented deal were not immediately disclosed, it is definitely the biggest move of the free agent season.

And no one saw it coming.

“Father Time has always retired on December 31 to let the rookie step up and show what he can do,” a sports agent, who wished to remain anonymous, told this Modern Philosopher.

That rookie, of course, being Baby New Year.  The consensus number one prospect in the organization, Baby New Year was everyone’s pick to make a huge splash in 2016.

So what is the “next big thing” going to do while the seasoned veteran takes up his roster spot and adds to an already Hall of Fame worthy career?

NY babyWhile neither Baby New Year, nor his agents would comment for this blog post, plenty of people were willing to share their thoughts.

“It might not be a bad thing to give the kid one more year to prepare for the Big Leagues,” opined one seasoned scout.  “They rush prospects to the Majors way too quickly these days.  My gut, which is rarely wrong, tells me this is the right move, and I bet 2017 ends up being the best year we’ve had in a long time.”

“I’m hearing that Baby New Year is just going to sign a huge contract with the Yankees, tell Father Time to kiss his sweet baby bottom, and then go out and have such an amazing season that the old guy will wish he had retired,” advised one General Manager, with knowledge of the situation.

Times SquareWhat does it mean for us, the fans, who have gotten used to throwing Father Time a huge goodbye bash on New Year’s Eve, and then welcoming Baby New Year with another party once the clock strikes midnight?

My guess is the balls are still going to drop, but now there might just be some confusion as to what year it is if Father Time doesn’t retire.

I’m being told that even with Father Time’s new contract, the calendars will still read 2016 once January 1 arrives.

“They don’t call it New Year’s Day for nothing,” said a snotty bureaucrat from the Calendar Commission before she hung up on me.

Of course, the truth of the matter is the Calendar Commission has printed tens of millions of calendars with the year 2016 on them, so there’s no way they can alter that now.

Regardless of this big time free agent signing, time must move forward.

Of course, tell that to Baby New Year who just had his coming out party overshadowed by Father Time’s surprising move…

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About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Holidays, Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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