Why You Shouldn’t Make Any New Year’s Resolutions

Times SquareHappy New Year’s Eve, Modern Philosophers.

This is always a very quiet Holiday at The House on the Hill.  I’m not a “big drinker, let’s go out and make some noise, dance in the New Year” kind of guy.

I’m just a guy, wearing a toga, asking the world to leave him alone.

Most of you are probably generating some serious Deep Thoughts about your New Year’s Resolutions.  Well, I’m here to tell you why that is a total waste of time.

Lists are lame.  This blog post is Exhibit A for this point.  Trust me.

It’s a new year, so why not stop being a follower?  Everyone is making New Year’s Resolutions.  Be different.  Get the year off on the right foot by doing something out of the ordinary.  Extraordinary things happen when you dare to stray from the norm.

Father Time firstYou already have too much on your plate.  Just because the Earth is about to start on a new journey around the Sun, and we’re taking down the old calendar and replacing it with a new one, doesn’t mean that your schedule is suddenly clear.  A new year does not mean a clean slate, Modern Philosophers.  Finish what you started in 2015 before you overextend yourself with new projects.

Setting yourself up for failure is the polar opposite of how you want to begin a new year. We all know you’re going to accomplish very few, if any, of your New Year’s Resolutions.  Why set yourself up to fail like that?  Be your own champion, and avoid disappointing yourself.  I’m not saying you can’t set goals, but keep them realistic and maybe a secret.  Don’t hang your New Year’s Resolutions on the fridge so they are a constant reminder of your failures every time you open it to grab something you vowed you’d give up eating this year.

Winter is a horrible time to begin any new project.  January and February are hard, snowy, bitterly cold months.  Your first instinct is going to be survival.  All you’re going to want to do is curl up on the couch with some comfort food and watch mindless TV shows until your brain forgets how incredibly far away Spring is.

Winter is about hunkering down.  Putting on a little weight to keep warm is a natural instinct.  No one is going to blame you for not wanting to go out for a run when it’s snowing and the wind chill is below zero.  If you insist on making resolutions, give yourself a fighting chance and do it on the First Day of Spring.

NY ResolutionsIf you’re making it a New Year’s Resolution, you already know it’s something you should be doing.  We put it on a list and give it a special name because we have stupidly tricked ourselves into believing that we cannot accomplish certain things with a little Holiday Magic.

New Year’s Resolutions are a crutch we don’t need.  You don’t have to miraculously turn around your life on January 1.  You have the entire year to whittle down this list and accomplish great things.

New Year’s Resolutions are a misguided form of group therapy and brainwashing.  I’m going to be real for a minute, Modern Philosophers, so you might want to sit down for this.  I know you secretly hope that when you share your resolutions with your friends, they will laugh you off and tell you that you don’t need to do any of the things on your list.  They, in turn, need you to do the same for them.

New Year’s Resolutions end up being a demented Get Out Of Jail Free card.  You tell each other lies to boost your egos and self-confidence, and to help you avoid having to come to terms with the fact that you have shortcomings that you really should address.

NY babyYou’re going to make your resolutions, and then immediately go out and break most, if not all, of the promises on your list of lies.  Unless, of course, you resolved to stay out all night drinking, partying, and ignoring everything your doctor said about eating healthier and working on losing some weight.  I’m sure you’re going to ignore your hangover and get up to run three miles in the morning.  You did resolve to do that, right?

Take my advice, Modern Philosophers, and skip the New Year’s Resolutions.  Go out and celebrate on New Year’s Eve however you want.  When you wake up in the morning, it will be a new year, but it’s still just like any other tomorrow.

2016 is a leap year, so you have 366 days to work on those goals that have been nagging at you and seem horribly out of reach.  Address them on your own schedule, and in whatever way you see fit.

It’s your life, after all, and no list is going to change that.

Happy New Year!

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About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Holidays, Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

20 Responses to Why You Shouldn’t Make Any New Year’s Resolutions

  1. Glenda says:

    I have never made New Year’s resolutions. I have made big resolutions that have changed my life, but never at this time of year. Seems kind of….silly.

  2. Actually, given the number of people I hear proudly declaring, “I don’t make New Year’s Resolutions!” to NOT make a New Year’s Resolution would be to follow the crowd. You know how I hate to follow the crowd (or do I flatter myself that you know anything about me? Never mind). January 1 is kind of an arbitrary date anyways. In fact, dates are arbitrary when you get right down to it, but now I’m getting into the kind of philosophy that makes my head hurt, so, once again, never mind. More to the point, I have my own blog post to write, so I should stop wasting my nonsense here. But I do wish you a Happy New Year (arbitrary or not, I like to celebrate things).

  3. I firmly resolve to have fun at the all-night laser quest party my sister and I are going to tonight. Beyond that, I’ll take it day by day.

  4. I love that this showed up on my Reader right above my post about resolving not to make resolutions. I am with you on all of the above! Enjoy a quiet start to the new year and happiness throughout it! Best, Karen 🙂

  5. The Cutter says:

    Sure, we break our resolutions 99/100 times, but that one time is magical!

  6. I LOVE seeing the blog drop,you know? And happy new year. You hope you continue to make all of us happy with your posts.

  7. Kristina Farrow says:

    I think you have some clever and resounding reasons to support why I never make New Year’s Reolutions! Happy New Year’s, Austin! 🙂

  8. ksbeth says:

    and may your 2016 be your happiest year ever, austin!

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