Stay The Hell Off Bernie Sanders’ Lawn!

Stay The Hell Off Bernie Sanders' Lawn! | The Return of the Modern PhilosopherBernie Sanders would very much like to be your next President, Modern Philosophers.

He would also appreciate it if you would stay the hell off his lawn!

Unlike another wild haired Presidential candidate, Sanders isn’t going to put up a wall around his front yard to keep you off the grass, nor is he going to threaten to have you deported should you step on his lawn.

He is, however, going to exercise his Constitutional right to Free Speech and yell at you.

Quite loudly and animatedly.

Because Bernie Sanders is an angry old man who doesn’t have time for people who don’t show respect for private property.Β  He has more important things to do.

You know, like running for President of the United States.

Speaking as someone who can get grumpy and knows a thing or two about raising his voice to make a point, I’m all for Sanders’ stance on front lawns.

None of the other Presidential candidates strike me as the type who knows how to start a lawnmower, or would spend a morning mowing the lawn.

Stay The Hell Off Bernie Sanders' Lawn! | The Return of the Modern PhilosopherBernie Sanders, on the other hand, is someone I can totally picture putting on a big, floppy hat, tying a bandanna around his neck, and wearing white socks and sandals as he pushes a rickety old mower over his lawn.

He’d take great pride in pointing out that his lines are even, the lawn is coming up just right, and he’s been using the same lawnmower for the past twenty years.

And then he’d yell at you for daring to step onto the grass he just cut.Β  He doesn’t care that he’s a Presidential candidate, you’re his biggest supporter, and all you want to do is shake his hand and take a selfie.

Because Bernie Sanders doesn’t know what a selfie is.

Also, there’s the fact that Sanders is an angry old man who puts in an honest day’s work and doesn’t need some smug tourist trampling across his freshly cut lawn like he’s Jim Thorpe sprinting for the end zone!

In other words, Bernie Sanders is exactly what this country needs.

Unlike those other hoity toity candidates who want you to vote for them, Bernie Sanders is a real person who cares about regular things.

He’s not some megalomaniac who wants to ostracize you, sweet talk you, or make you feel like you need to hate certain groups to be a true American.

Bernie just wants there to be enough rain so his lawn doesn’t turn brown.

He wants to impress upon you that one percent of the population shouldn’t have the nicest lawns simply because they can afford the best landscapers.

He wants to be able to sit on his porch, enjoy a gorgeous Summer day, and not have to roll up the newspaper and shake it menacingly at punk kids who think his front lawn is a short cut to the nearest hangout!

Stay The Hell Of Bernie Sanders' Lawn! | The Return of the Modern PhilosopherI can get behind an angry old man for President because that is someone I can relate to, Modern Philosophers.

Do you think world leaders are going to respect the other candidates the same way they would the man who reminds them of their cranky grandfather?

I have no idea how this election is going to turn out, but one thing I know for sure is that if Bernie Sanders is elected President, the front lawn of the White House is going to look the best it ever has.

You don’t have to vote for him, Modern Philosophers, but just stay the hell off his lawn!


About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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19 Responses to Stay The Hell Off Bernie Sanders’ Lawn!

  1. Reblogged this on Jill Elaine Hughes and commented:
    My sentiments exactly.

  2. Oh lord! I have got to share this one, too! This is FABULOUS! Bernie totally rocks!

  3. Josh Wrenn says:

    He gets my vote and my respect for his lawn.

  4. stuckinscared says:

    I have no idea who Bernie Sanders is… but I like him πŸ˜‰

  5. donedreaming says:

    He’s like your favourite grandpa – bit crusty, full of basic common sense, cares about his neighbours, thinks twitter is something birds do. The rest of the bunch seem more interested in getting the title than being of service to the population – that’s just my outsider perception πŸ™‚

  6. Ocean Bream says:

    I can’t vote for Saunders because I am not an American, but I have been hearing some scintillating stuff from him lately and it has made me think that if I was an American, I would be tempted to join his ranks and I would certainly stay the hell off his lawn.

  7. The Cutter says:

    Yeah, I’m probably gonna vote for him

  8. indaylightblog says:

    I’m observing the American elections for President from a distance. Cough, I’m not an American. But you know the results will affects us all whether we’re American or not. Bernie Sanders seems like a decent folk!

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