Sure, I was going to be tired today, but I couldn’t possibly go to sleep without knowing if I had to move to Canada.
Not only did I get to remain an American at least for another week after Ted Cruz beat Donald Trump, but I also got to witness quite the stirring “victory” speech from Marco Rubio.
I put victory in quotes because Rubio finished third in the Iowa Caucus.
However, you never would have known that he only took home the bronze, if you turned on the TV just in time to see the Senator from Florida stride triumphantly to the podium.
Rubio gave a rousing oration that this Modern Philosopher can only really classify as one of the “victory” variety.
He kicked off his speech by saying something like “So this is the moment that they said would never happen!”
Yeah, Marco, very few people take the time to talk about that amazing moment when someone finishes third unless it’s the Olympics (and even then, there’s usually a lot of disappointment involved) or a parent proudly boasting about a child.
I thought I was watching a high school pep rally with the way Rubio pumped up the crowd to celebrate the fact that he had not only not won, but he had also not been able to beat the non-politician who only insults people.
Marco Rubio was so ecstatic, it made me wonder if someone had played a cruel joke on him backstage and told him that he’d actually won the Caucus.
Several times during the speech, he talked about how things were going to be when he was President. At first, I thought him to be deranged, confused, or possibly suffering from a concussion.
By the end of the pep rally, though, I had become excited for this charismatic underdog. No, I was not nearly excited for Marco Rubio as he was for himself, but I thought it was cool that he could get so jazzed about finishing in third place.
Marco Rubio, Republican candidate for President of the United States of America, was telling the people of this great country that it was okay to settle!
Just last week, I was fast forwarding through Rubio’s appearance on one of the late night shows because I didn’t think he was a contender.
Until tonight, I hadn’t even bothered to mention him in a blog post.
Now he’s front and center, grabbing headlines as the blog’s official Third Place Champion!
There were around one hundred Republicans in the field when this all began, so fighting your way through all the riff raff to climb to number three is a major move.
Especially when you consider you had to maneuver and climb towards the top while wearing those boots!
Of course, the greatest #3 of all time will always be Babe Ruth, but you can be the Republicans’ Bambino is you really want.
The New Hampshire Primary is just a week away, so while it might be tempting to rest on your laurels and continue to celebrate being #3, you might want to set your sights a little higher.
If you really want people to take you seriously, you need to rip that thing off Trump’s head, and wear it at the podium when you give your “I’m #2!” speech in New Hampshire.
Good luck, Senator Rubio. I’m looking forward to another awesome pep rally!
What did you think of Marco Rubio’s speech, Modern Philosophers? Was it a little too triumphant considering he finished third? Were you surprised by his showing in Iowa? How relieved are you that Trump didn’t win?
I don’t want to settle for third place. I want to win Pinterest. You can follow me here…