Booze Cruise Crowd Boos Cruz

Booze Cruise Crowd Boos Cruz | The Return of the Modern PhilosopherTed Cruz might be the Big Republican on Campus after his Iowa Caucus victory, but in New York, he’s just another annoying tourist taking up space.

Two days removed from his thrilling win in the opening contest of the 2016 Presidential Election, Cruz was sent spiraling back to earth in a way that only the Big Apple could provide, Modern Philosophers.

The junior Senator from Texas took time out from campaigning for next week’s primary in New Hampshire, to fly to Manhattan to do a few interviews for various news programs based in NYC.

It was while taping a segment at South Street Seaport this afternoon that Cruz received a proper New York welcome.

A party boat, affectionately known in some parts as a “Booze Cruise”, slowly passed by behind the Republican front runner during his interview.  As expected, those on board waved wildly for the camera, and all was well until someone recognized Cruz.

“That’s when all @#$%^& hell broke loose, man!” exclaimed Manny, a bike messenger from the Village, who happened to be making a delivery at the time.  “Those @#$%^&* were lit up, and they started screaming some seriously nasty %@&* at Mr. Big Shot in the Fancy Suit.”

Booze Cruise Crowd Boos Cruz | The Return of the Modern PhilosopherA nearby police officer, who heard Manny’s quote, nodded his head slowly to confirm his account of the incident.

“They just started with booing,” my witness continued, “but then it quickly got all New York up in here and they went with @#$% you, Cruz!  Then it was %^& me, Cruz, with the accompanying lewd hand gestures and mouth movements to get the point across.”

“It was lewd, crude, and rude,” a member of the TV show’s crew, who wished to remain anonymous, shared with this Modern Philosopher.  “It was awesome.  Totally New York.  I can’t wait to post this on YouTube.”

It’s times like this when I really miss New York, Modern Philosophers.  I can’t even tell you the last time I cursed out a public official.  And it’s not like Governor LePage doesn’t have it coming.  It just doesn’t seem the thing to do…unless I’m back home.

Of course, Cruz’s camp tried to put a positive spin on it.  “They weren’t booing.  They were just saying Cruuuuz over and over,” said the starry eyed intern, who had clearly drawn the short straw and been sent to talk to the press.  “The Senator loved the attention.”

What he didn’t love, however, were the beer bottles hurled in his general direction by the people aboard the Booze Cruise.

“New Yorkers take care of their own!” Rosie from Corona made perfectly clear.  “That bum ain’t from around here, and he’s running against two of ours.  You ain’t gotta like Hillary and Trump, but they both represent New York, so we gotta represent when some foreigner comes onto our turf and talks about how he’s gonna beat them in the election.”

Booze Cruise Crowd Boos Cruz | The Return of the Modern Philosopher“The only thing that’s gonna get beat is his ass!” screamed a passerby in a Hillary 2016 tee shirt.

As you know, Modern Philosophers, I haven’t lived in New York in some time, but I had no idea that Texans were now considered foreigners in NYC.  Some law must have been passed since I moved.

So far, I have not been able to find any truth to the rumors that Donald Trump chartered that boat, and filled it with his most ardent supporters.

To be honest, I’d rather go with Rosie’s theory that it was a bunch of drunk New Yorkers defending their turf.

I wonder if Senator Cruz will return to South Street Seaport for the New York Primary…

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About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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19 Responses to Booze Cruise Crowd Boos Cruz

  1. K. Renae P. says:

    “So far, I have not been able to find any truth to the rumors that Donald Trump chartered that boat, and filled it with his most ardent supporters.”

    Bwahahaha. This made my day. Perfect satire on this the silliest of political days.

  2. Dr. Rex says:

    Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
    Gotta share ….. “It was while taping a segment at South Street Seaport this afternoon that Cruz received a proper New York welcome.”

  3. K. Renae P. says:

    Hmmm. Never mind. It’s gone now… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

  4. Texas tried to secede from the 50 States, so that might be the confusion of his being a foreigner.

  5. Glenda says:

    I love your pun – freakin’ genius!!! LMBO! The interview – hahaha! (I’m being so elaborate with my words, I know, I know…just take the compliment, damnit!)

  6. Brilliant. The last line tickled me. Don’t know why.

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