How To Tell If Your Date Is Genuinely Irish

On St. Patrick's Day, so many potential dates are going to claim to be Irish. That's why you need my Dating Tips to help you figure out who's really from the Emerald Isle...St. Patrick’s Day is approaching, Modern Philosophers, and some of you must long to have gorgeous Irish eyes smiling at you on that holiday.

At the very least, you’re hoping that the Luck of the Irish will help you to get lucky with someone Irish.

This means it’s time for another Dating Tips post to help those of you lost in the Dating World find your way to Love a little less painfully.

Many people you meet on St. Patrick’s Day will claim to be Irish, but not everyone really is.

Short of running an elaborate genetics test, or plotting out a person’s family tree, you’re either going to have to take her word for it, or consult my convenient tips on How To Tell If Your Date Is Genuinely Irish.

Luckily, I am something of an expert in this field since My Sweet Irish Girlfriend is 100% Genuine Irish.

Here are some signs that your date is probably Irish…

It's fighting words to ask an Irish Lass if she's ever met a Leprechaun... | The Return of the Modern PhilosopherShe is deeply offended when you ask her if she’s ever met a Leprechaun.  Melissa has made it clear that any references to Leprechauns are fighting words.  Trust me, you do not want to get a genuine Irish Lass’ Irish up, so ask her once to check if she’s genuine, and then NEVER ask about the little guys in green suits again.

She goes on a ten minute tirade about stupid American stereotypes when you innocently comment that she never says “Begosh and Begorrah”.  Apparently, certain American stereotypes of the Irish are happily accepted by the residents of the Emerald Isle.  Melissa would eat potatoes with every meal if possible, she has run into members of U2 on the streets of her hometown, and she welcomes a drink with open arms.

However, if you ask her why she never says “Begosh and Begorrah”, she will freak out on you about stupid Americans and how we don’t truly understand Irish culture.  Clearly, the phrase is some sort of secret password (perhaps to the Hidden Leprechaun Castle that houses all their pots o’ gold) that someone truly Irish would never utter in front of someone not from Ireland.

It's St. Paddy, not St. Patty. Trust me on this, I have an Irish girlfriend! | The Return of the Modern PhilosopherShe belittles you and mumbles something clearly offensive in Gaelic for using the term “St. Patty”.  If you want the quickest test possible for Irish purity, just wish your date a Happy St. Patty’s Day.  If she’s genuinely Irish, her cheeks will flush, her eyes should narrow, she might throw her drink in your face, and she will almost definitely mutter something in Gaelic (don’t ever have that translated!) before she flashes her sweetest Irish smile and politely tells you it’s St. Paddy, not St. Patty.

Ask her how she enjoys living in the UK.  My Sweet Irish Girlfriend will turn into the Incredible Irish Hulk any time I mention that she is from the UK.  I’m well aware that Ireland is not a part of the United Kingdom, but I also know it is a way to instantly set off Melissa when I want to mess with her.

She speaks a version of English that is remarkably confusing considering her proximity to England.  The Irish have a way of making our language even more confusing than it already is.  If you think that your date is into kinky stuff because she keeps talking about lashings, you’re way off base.  That’s just her way of talking about heavy rain.  Can’t figure out why she’s craving biscuits after dinner?  It’s because in Ireland, biscuits are cookies.  The list is endless, so if your date’s English confuses the McHell out of you, she’s either a poorly educated American, or she’s from Ireland.

When things get intimate, she keeps talking about some dude named Willie.  Don’t freak out.  She’s not cheating.  She’s not asking you to take part in a threesome with her pal William.  She’s just referring to your manhood in confusing Irish slang.

Kiss her, dude, she's Irish, and they don't make them any better than that! |The Return of the Modern PhilosopherShe admits to being a little bit crazy.  While this one might sound scary, it’s a sure way to rule out that your date is American.

In all my years of dating women born in the USA, never once has one admitted to being a little crazy.  In fact, if I ever even implied it, she would freak out and break up with me.

Or worse yet, she would stay together with me, and make me regret that crazy comment for a very long time.

Melissa has refreshingly informed me that since she is an Irish woman, she is a little bit crazy, and I simply have to learn to deal with that if I’m going to love her.

I have to admit, I find it very reassuring that she was so upfront about that.

When she talks in that amazing accent, you get chills up and down your spine, and could listen to her ramble on about pretty much anything for hours.  The Irish accent has to be the sexiest in the world.  As I was falling for Melissa, I noticed that I would crave phone calls with her, simply to hear her voice.  There’s something about a Brogue (which Melissa has informed me is an Irish word for “shoe”) that drives me wild.

There are times when Melissa thinks I don’t want to talk to her because I’m not saying anything during a conversation.  It’s not that I have nothing to say, but rather, that I’m simply mesmerized by the sound of her voice.

I've clearly been blessed with the Luck of the Irish since those gorgeous green Irish eyes are often smiling at me! | The Return of the Modern PhilosopherPeople can mimic an Irish accent fairly well, but if you don’t get goosebumps and chills when your date is talking to you, it means she is an impostor.  Don’t settle for a cheap knockoff, Modern Philosophers.  You deserve the genuine article!

Here’s another piece of advice from a man who’s clearly blessed with the Luck of the Irish because those gorgeous green Irish eyes are often smiling at him: If your Irish girlfriend gets tipsy and strongly suggests that you write a blog post about her, drop everything and comply with that request.  There’s nothing in the world quite like the love of a Sweet Irish Girlfriend.

Hope these tips come in handy.  May the Luck of the Irish be with you on St. Paddy’s Day!

I’m still trying to figure out how to use Pinterest to increase blog traffic, but if you want to follow me in the meantime, Irish eyes will smile upon you…

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About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Dating, Holidays, Humor, Love and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

19 Responses to How To Tell If Your Date Is Genuinely Irish

  1. cbiz50 says:

    Yes! About it all and in particular my ☘ peeve…those well meant wishes of Happy St. Patty’s Day…no, no…he is not a Patty…he is Patrick or Paddy (if you must give him an affectionate nickname) Thank You for this post and to Melissa for her guidance of you on this and other issues. I feel strongly about this mistake. Almost as strongly as the appalling apostrophe misuse of Presidents Day. I am still recovering and now have to look at “Patty” everywhere.

  2. Dr. Rex says:

    Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
    Love the Irish ….. ❤

  3. Aaliyahm says:

    I’m definitely not Irish, but I got a nice sized dose of the culture when I learned Irish Dance with my Irish dance instructor. I thought of her throughout this entire post, especially when you mentioned the offensive Gaelic remarks!

  4. Amanda Lyle says:

    I love the Irish accent. I could listen to it all day!

  5. Claudia says:

    And if she likes the band Garlic Storm, she’s Irish too.

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  7. nikisthoughts says:

    This gave me a chuckle 😀

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  9. Stephanie says:

    Amazing loved it. As an America Irish girl who celebrates a birthday on St. Paddys Day!!!

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