Maine’s Democratic Caucus for the 2016 Presidential Election was today, and voting was going on just up the street from The House on the Hill.
I looked up to reply, but words would not come out of my mouth. Instead, I just stared at the blue circle on the lapel of his impeccably tailored suit jacket.
“What’s wrong?” Lucifer asked as he looked down at his suit in a panic, fearful he had damaged it in someway.
Still too stunned to speak, I just pointed at the object as he sat down on the couch.
He raised a puzzled eyebrow and then looked down at his lapel. “Are you staring at my Feel The Bern button, Austin?”
“Is that a campaign pin on your uniform?” I nearly screamed as I forced the words out of my mouth, and they exploded out as a muddled mix of a question, a demand, and a quote from Animal House.
“Yes, it is. Thanks for noticing,” The Prince of Darkness replied with a charming smile. “A very passionate Bernie Sanders supporter pinned it onto my $1,500 suit as she spoke of her beloved candidate’s virtues.”
“I hope you’re not going to hold that against Bernie,” I mumbled as I reached for a Snapple from the cooler.
A big gulp of ice tea cured me of my tied tongue.
Now it was my turn to raise an eyebrow and look at him in confusion. Unfortunately, I did not do so in a $1,500 suit. My Sunday outfit had run me $19.99 at Toga Mart.
“For Trump’s losing the Republican Caucus,” The Devil responded with yet another wink. “Don’t worry, you don’t owe me anything. I did it as a favor.”
He removed a silk handkerchief from an inside pocket of his jacket and used it to polish his Feel The Bern pin.
“You rigged the Republican Caucus?” I yelled loud enough for my neighbors to hear across the street.
“Settle down,” Lucifer insisted as he handed me my Snapple. “Yes, I did see to it that Trump didn’t win. Don’t worry, I made the results believable enough so that it will never raise suspicion.”
“But why?” I asked after a second sip of Snapple. “I didn’t think you cared about politics.”
The Prince of Darkness shrugged and let out a long sigh. “I’m going to tell you something, but if you ever repeat it, I will not only deny it, but I will also see to it that you are on the receiving end of my pitchfork. Are we clear as to the terms of this agreement?”
I nodded emphatically as I glanced at his pitchfork over in the corner.
I had to laugh. “Even you think that Trump is a threat!”
“You got that right!” The Devil exclaimed. “That man is an orange Devil. They’re not as powerful as a red Devil, but they are a totally different kind of evil. I don’t associate with his kind.”
“You should build a wall around Hell to keep out his kind,” I quipped.
“What do you think I have those poor souls doing down there as we speak?” he countered.
I took another bottle of Snapple out of the cooler and handed it to my guest.
“Thanks for pulling those strings yesterday,” I said sincerely.
He just nodded and chugged his Snapple. Apparently, Donald Trump drove even The Prince of Darkness to drink…
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