The Girl Scouts Are Trying To Kill Me!

Girl Scout Cookies were clearly put on this earth to prevent me from being thin and healthy. The Girl Scouts are trying to kill me!The Girl Scouts are trying to kill me, Modern Philosophers.

Every Winter, when I’ve given up on my running program and have turned to comfort food to get me through the endless parade of frigid, snowy Maine days, the Girl Scouts come around with their cookies.

With the intention of killing me!

They’re impossible to resist, and you can only get them once a year, so I make sure to buy enough to last.

Which means I buy way more than I need.  And I never ration them out in a sensible manner.

Let me be perfectly honest with you, Modern Philosophers…the cookies I brought home tonight, in such large quantities, will not be around to see April.

Spring is just around the corner, which means I really have no more excuse to put off running like I have since December.

I should be removing comfort foods and sweets from my diet, and filling the cupboards with healthy foods and snacks.

You know, in preparation for all the running I’m going to do.

Instead, I returned to The House on the Hill tonight with an armful of Girl Scout Cookies.

Why are Girl Scout Cookies impossible to resist?  They're not even as good as they used to be, but I still eat them in excess!And guess what, Modern Philosophers?  I had a horrible day (it is Monday, after all!) and I intend to comfort myself with way too many Girl Scout Cookies while I watch The Walking Dead.

Then, I’m going to get another glass of milk, grab some more Girl Scout Cookies, and watch The Talking Dead.

I’m going to become a Girl Scout Cookie Zombie.

It happens every year, and I am powerless to resist their siren call.  The sad thing is, the cookies aren’t even as good as they used to be.  That doesn’t stop me, though!

I’m sure that I will get back to running soon enough, and healthy food will replace all the Winter junk, but right now, I’m at the mercy of the Girl Scouts and their cookies.

Don’t send help.  The cookies are all mine and I refuse to share.  Just let me eat them in peace as it was meant to be.

I’ll eventually brush the crumbs off my toga and get on with my life.

But not tonight.

Clearly, from the quality of the writing in this post, I cannot focus my Deep Thoughts on anything other than the treats that await me.

Have no fear, Modern Philosophers.  The Girl Scout Cookies will be gone soon enough, and I will be back to writing witty and entertainment posts.

Right now, though, you have to settle for the few random thoughts I can cobble together.

The Girls Scouts Are Trying To Kill Me! | The Return of the Modern PhilosopherQuite frankly, I’m stunned I’ve been able to write this many words without ripping open one of the cookie boxes.  I guess what I lack in writing ability tonight, I make up for in self control.

I’m also okay with passing this off as a proper post because I know so many of you relate.

I bet several of you are munching on Girl Scout Cookies as you read this.  Those of you who aren’t, are either going to  grab a box of them from the kitchen, or you’re going to start craving them so much that you will try to find a way to order some at this late date.

I apologize for making you all want Girl Scout Cookies, but by giving in to your cravings, you’re helping a really worthwhile cause.

And I don’t mean your stomach.

Enjoy your Girl Scout Cookies!

While you’re eating your cookies, why not follow me on Pinterest?


About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Fitness, Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

33 Responses to The Girl Scouts Are Trying To Kill Me!

  1. Sheila Moss says:

    Thin mints are my weakness.

  2. Josh Wrenn says:

    I had to get some Samoas the other day. I especially like that many conservatives don’t like the Girl Scouts for their relationship with transgender girls. All the more reason to support them.

  3. dori says:

    Samoas 😥

    And those peanut butter ones ugh

  4. ksbeth says:

    they are on my heels, too )

  5. stomperdad says:

    I don’t trust those who have the will power to NOT each the whole box once it’s opened.

  6. Éilis Niamh says:

    Sorry you had such a tough day. Yep, you’ve made me crave girl scout cookies! Thin mints are my favorite. It’s not too late to buy them??? 🙂

  7. I just bought nine boxes from a co-worker’s daughter, and my intent was to squirrel them away in case of a nuclear apocalypse (surviving on a regimen of bottled water and sugary desserts). Alas, I’ve instead been devouring my precious reserves like a wild-eyed fiend suffering from Thin Mint withdrawals.

  8. nikisthoughts says:

    My husband and I got 5 boxes a couple weeks ago. 2.5 of them are gone. It’s so hard to resist them….

  9. Mavadelo says:

    We don’t have no girl scout cookies here 😦 Oh cruel world

    • Austin says:

      Where are you???

      • Mavadelo says:

        I am in the Netherlands 🙂 When I was young I was a scout myself and we sold teaspoons and prior to new years eve we sold “oliebollen” (a fried doughball with raisins) but the girl scouts, although I think we have them here, don’t sell anything. Heard good things about those cookies, I think they are the only cookies that are actually known worldwide

      • Austin says:

        They’ve even made an ice cream based on Girl Scout Cookies. God Bless America!

  10. Glenda says:

    I pretty much like all the cookies. I missed the Samoas this year – too late! <:'(

  11. It is thanks to people like you that little girls make extra money to go on trips and to do things that they wouldn’t normally do. Even though they are crazy addictive, just keep saying “its for a good cause…its for a good cause…” 🙂

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