Obviously, this isn’t Austin. He’s still “broken” or whatnot. Not really sure what that means, but he’s crazy moody as it is, and now he’s brooding up on the roof with the Gargoyle with no plans to write tonight’s post.
I’m Cassie, one of the blog interns. You’ve never heard of me since Austin doesn’t bother to learn our names, but he might’ve referred to me in posts as “the intern with long black hair and a nose ring”.
Before he fled to the roof to wrestle with his inner demons, he told me what he’d planned to write about in his Think Tank post. I figured he wouldn’t mind my taking over the blog to write a post on that topic and keep his iron man blogging streak alive.
Y’all down with that? You trust your Deep Thoughts to a UMaine senior who hasn’t earned her toga yet? I’ve learned blogging from the Modern Philosopher himself, so put your faith in me and let’s get that gray matter humming!
This week’s topic: Pollsters did a major face plant earlier this week when they incorrectly predicted Hillary Clinton would win big in the Michigan Primary. Since this proves that anyone is qualified to conduct a poll, let’s do one right now. If the 2016 Presidential Election were held today, who would get your vote? Don’t worry if you’re not an American citizen or registered voter. This poll is open to all Modern Philosophers.
I know Austin has never used the poll feature before, so I totally hope he doesn’t freak! It’s 2016, and he’s got to get with the times. Give it up if you agree!
As for my answer, I am 100% Feeling the Bern. I’m a 21 year old college senior, and I am smack in the middle of Bernie’s dream demographic.
Look at how well Bernie did in the Maine Caucus. That was heavily influenced by the college vote. We held several rallies on the Orono campus in the weeks leading up to the caucus, and Vote For Sanders signs still dominate the campus.
He speaks my language, and he’s the only one of the candidates for whom I have any respect. Those other tools are an embarrassment to their disrespected parties, and I can’t wrap my brain around the fact that Bernie Sanders isn’t running away with this thing already.
Maybe I’m young and naive, guys, but how the hell could anyone want to vote for D-Bag Trump or his loser cronies? The second he talked about the size of his manhood at the debate, he should’ve been jettisoned over whatever wall keeps the lunatics away from my sanity.
Cruz and Rubio look like the kind of dudes who would hit on me at a club, and expect me to be awed by the fact that they wear suits, while being clueless that their haircuts and creepy smiles scream “Kidnapper!” and make me reach for my pepper spray.
And what can I say about Hillary Clinton without making you want to hum the tune that plays in The Wizard of Oz whenever Dorothy sees the Wicked Witch? Waffle much, Hillster? Jeez!
Bern me up, you know? My generation is this country’s future. We want Bernie Sanders, and you older folks should listen to us. Otherwise, we’ll cut your social security and ship you all off to some old fart internment camp (which would probably be run by Trump) when you’re no longer a viable part of the work force!
J/k! So make sure to vote in the poll, preach all you want in the comments about why your candidate is mad awesome, and no hard feelings if you don’t vote the same way I do.
It’s all good, you know? As long as you’re exercising your right to have your Deep Thoughts count for something, it’s all totes votes.
Make Austin proud. Maybe reading your comments will bust him out of his funk, and make him want to do something other than bro time it with the Gargoyle.
Happy Friday! I’m out…
Oh, yeah…you really oughta follow Austin on Pinterest. He’s weird, but he’s got an epic Star Wars board!