Easter Bunny Hospitalized After Laying Too Many Easter Eggs

Easter is in jeopardy, Modern Philosophers, after the Easter Bunny was rushed to the hospital for emergency treatment of severe exhaustion.

While getting ready for the big holiday, which celebrates the invention of Easter Candy by the Pilgrims in 1695, the Easter Bunny collapsed in the middle of his warehouse.

Luckily, the place was packed with staffers putting last minute touches on Easter Baskets. Levelheaded employees tended to their fatigued boss until paramedics arrived. Once the Easter Bunny was stabilized, he was rushed to a local hospital.

According to Dr. Pierre Abbott, the Emergency Room Physician who treated the Easter Bunny upon his arrival, the patient is in stable, but critical condition.

“The Easter Bunny was severely dehydrated, undernourished, and sleep deprived,” Dr. Abbott told this Modern Philosopher. “We’re pushing IV fluids, gave him something to help him sleep, and I’ve put him on bed rest for the next few days.”

Easter is a huge endeavor that comes every year, but there are no previous reports of the Easter Bunny collapsing from exhaustion. What happened this year that led to the need for emergency medical care?

“He wasn’t very coherent when he entered the ER,” Dr. Abbott explained, “so I had to rely on my medical instincts and some input from his personal assistant. I’d say the main issue was the fact that a male rabbit insisted on personally laying all the Easter Eggs needed for Sunday. I’m not sure if you’re an animal expert, but bunnies don’t lay eggs, and even if they did, it would be the females of the species who took on that role.”

Well that certainly explains it. So how did the Easter Bunny manage to lay so many eggs? And did they come out of him already colored and ready to be put in the Easter Baskets?

To answer those questions, I had to talk to my good friend Ti-Diana. Aside from being one of Maine’s most powerful Witches, she is also the one who usually conjures up the Easter Bunny’s annual Easter Egg supply.

“This year, The Easter Bunny begged me to use my magic in a different way,” she explained with a charming smile on her beautiful face. “He wanted to take a more personal role because he felt like he had become too much of a CEO in an expensive suit, and needed to be more hands on again. He was afraid that Easter was becoming just a business to him.”

Never one to disappoint a friend in need, Ti-Diana created a spell that would allow the Easter Bunny to lay all the Easter Eggs.

“Yes, Austin, they come out already colored,” she assured me with a chuckle. “I warned him to pace himself because the magic could only do so much, and the rest of the work was on him and his enchanted reproductive organs.”

For those of you panicked at the thought of the Easter Bunny’s not pulling through in time to deliver your Easter Basket, Ti-Diana wanted to allay your fears.

“Don’t tell Dr. Abbott, but I might have whipped up a special little something for our favorite patient’s IV bag,” she confessed with a wink. “That potion in guaranteed to have him hopping down the Bunny Trail again by tomorrow night.

If you don’t believe in magic, or if you’re simply an enormous worrier, just keep the Easter Bunny in your thoughts, and shoot some positive vibes his way.