According to data supplied by both the Republican Party and the Easter Bunny, sales of Chocolate Trumps have skyrocketed to the point that they could easily clear any border wall built between the United States and Mexico.
The desire for the milk chocolate busts of 2016 Republican Presidential hopeful Donald Trump, which are as hollow as Trump’s plans for dispatching ISIS, is so high that some manufacturers have reportedly hired illegal aliens to help keep up with the demand.
Talk about ironic, Modern Philosophers!
“Trump is on the mind of virtually every American at some point on any given day,” CNN Political Pundit and Easter Candy Expert William Wonkowitz explained to this Modern Philosopher from a throne made of milk chocolate in CNN’s headquarters. “It makes sense that he should be in their bellies as well on Easter Sunday.”
Renowned Political Psychologist Dr. Franklin Delano Freud had a slightly different take on the popularity of the chocolate Trump heads. “Americans fear a future under President Trump. When something is eating at you, the knee jerk reaction is to eat it before it devours you. Since we are not a nation of cannibals, enjoying a milk chocolate effigy of the Demon Who Would Be President is the sensible thing to try.”
And let’s face it, Modern Philosophers, Americans love chocolate. According to a recent poll conducted by the Department Utilizing Statistics & Tables (DUST), the only reason Christmas still tops Easter as America’s favorite holiday is because people think Easter is too religious.
Chocolate Trumps come in small, medium, large, and HUUUUUUGE! That last size, which I’m sure Trump would be quick to confirm is anatomically correct, comes with an added bonus.
The HUUUUUUGE! Chocolate Trump comes with caramel filled hair. I’m sure many Americans, especially those on the Democratic side, would agree that a soft gooey candy center where the brain should be is also anatomically correct. And quite delicious.
So this Easter, when you’re celebrating Christ’s Resurrection, why not put Chocolate Trumps in the Easter Baskets of all your loved ones so that you can also commemorate the death of the American political system?
Perhaps President Trump will issue an Executive Order declaring that all food must be served in the shape of his head. You never really know with him.
I’m not sure what the tagline is for Chocolate Trumps, but if it’s not “Let’s Make America Diabetic Again”, perhaps it should be something like “Chocolate Trump: It looks yummy and tempting, but you’re going to find it extremely difficult to swallow!”
I know, that second one is really kind of wordy, but then again, so is Trump.
At least I know my Easter Sunday is going to be awesome. And to tell you the truth, I wouldn’t mind if he tossed a Chocolate Trump in there, too. I might as well enjoy Trump while I still can…
Hop on down the Bunny Trail and follow me on Pinterest before you go searching for Easter Eggs…