“When I’m President, I’m going to sell Wisconsin to Canada,” the man with the tiny hands boasted while his hair did that crazy thing it does. “It’s simple really. I’m going to make a deal. A great deal. I’m going to make Canada pay for it. It’s going to boost America’s economy and make this country great again.”
When pressed on the details of the sale of one of the country’s top 50 states, the self-proclaimed great deal maker only continued to ramble as if the press corps wasn’t even there.
“I’m going to build a wall around Wisconsin. Canada will pay for that, too. It will create jobs for hardworking Americans. The kind who are willing to vote for me. And that wall will keep those former Americans from sneaking back into our country, stealing our jobs, and committing crimes.”
Strong words for a man who lost by a resounding 13 points after once looking like the runaway choice to lead the Republican Party, and the American people, into Hell.
“What does Wisconsin really bring to the country?” Trump asked no one in particular. “Badgers and cheese. Who needs those things? We can get badgers at the zoo and cheese in any supermarket. In fact, I’m going to start Trump Cheese just to prove that we don’t need Wisconsin.”
On the Democratic side of things, Bernie Sanders posted another big victory over Democratic front runner Hillary Clinton.
As of this writing, Secretary Clinton had made no threats to sell Wisconsin to the highest bidder. However, something tells me she would if enough voters told her that was a quality they wanted to see in their next President.
Speaking of the surging Sanders, Future President Trump had more to say about the results of Wisconsin’s Primary: “Who wants a state that would rather vote for an old hippie who plans to lead drum circles and turn America into a modern version of Socialist Russia? Grandpa Sanders wants to burn money to keep America warm. That’s stupid. Wisconsin is stupid. That’s why I’m selling it to Canada.”
“Wisconsin picked that creepy Bible salesman Ted Cruz with his ugly wife over a successful billionaire who is married to a total babe. You want to make America great again? Start by getting rid of those losers in Wisconsin.”
Funny, but wasn’t the biggest loser in Wisconsin Donald Trump, Modern Philosophers? How do we get rid of him? Do you think Canada would take him off of our hands? How about if we just donated him to another country?
They don’t even have to pay us for him. We can pay any country to welcome Former Future President Trump with somewhat open arms. I bet plenty of Americans would donate a few dollars into a “Take Our Trump” fund to raise more than enough money to make his dowry quite tempting.
So which course of action do you prefer: Selling Wisconsin to Canada, or paying another country to take Trump? I look forward to your comments on this.
You know what’s a great deal? Following me on Pinterest!