Trump Vows To Sell Wisconsin To Canada

Trump vows to sell Wisconsin to Canada after he loses the state's primary. | The Return of the Modern PhilosopherAfter taking a solid beating from Ted Cruz in yesterday’s Wisconsin Republican Primary, Future President Donald Trump vowed to get his revenge on the people who did not vote for him.

“When I’m President, I’m going to sell Wisconsin to Canada,” the man with the tiny hands boasted while his hair did that crazy thing it does.  “It’s simple really.  I’m going to make a deal.  A great deal.  I’m going to make Canada pay for it.  It’s going to boost America’s economy and make this country great again.”

When pressed on the details of the sale of one of the country’s top 50 states, the self-proclaimed great deal maker only continued to ramble as if the press corps wasn’t even there.

“I’m going to build a wall around Wisconsin.  Canada will pay for that, too.  It will create jobs for hardworking Americans.  The kind who are willing to vote for me.  And that wall will keep those former Americans from sneaking back into our country, stealing our jobs, and committing crimes.”

Strong words for a man who lost by a resounding 13 points after once looking like the runaway choice to lead the Republican Party, and the American people, into Hell.

“What does Wisconsin really bring to the country?” Trump asked no one in particular.  “Badgers and cheese.  Who needs those things?  We can get badgers at the zoo and cheese in any supermarket.  In fact, I’m going to start Trump Cheese just to prove that we don’t need Wisconsin.”

On the Democratic side of things, Bernie Sanders posted another big victory over Democratic front runner Hillary Clinton.

As of this writing, Secretary Clinton had made no threats to sell Wisconsin to the highest bidder.  However, something tells me she would if enough voters told her that was a quality they wanted to see in their next President.

Stay off Bernie's lawn, but continue to Feel the Bern!Speaking of the surging Sanders, Future President Trump had more to say about the results of Wisconsin’s Primary: “Who wants a state that would rather vote for an old hippie who plans to lead drum circles and turn America into a modern version of Socialist Russia?  Grandpa Sanders wants to burn money to keep America warm.  That’s stupid.  Wisconsin is stupid.  That’s why I’m selling it to Canada.”

“Wisconsin picked that creepy Bible salesman Ted Cruz with his ugly wife over a successful billionaire who is married to a total babe.  You want to make America great again?  Start by getting rid of those losers in Wisconsin.”

Funny, but wasn’t the biggest loser in Wisconsin Donald Trump, Modern Philosophers?  How do we get rid of him?  Do you think Canada would take him off of our hands?  How about if we just donated him to another country?

They don’t even have to pay us for him.  We can pay any country to welcome Former Future President Trump with somewhat open arms.  I bet plenty of Americans would donate a few dollars into a “Take Our Trump” fund to raise more than enough money to make his dowry quite tempting.

So which course of action do you prefer: Selling Wisconsin to Canada, or paying another country to take Trump?  I look forward to your comments on this.

You know what’s a great deal?  Following me on Pinterest!

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About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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19 Responses to Trump Vows To Sell Wisconsin To Canada

  1. The Hook says:

    Oh, that Trump…

  2. The Cutter says:

    I once went to Wisconsin. I expected cold weather and fat guys in Brett Favre jerseys. Instead it was really hot.

  3. I live in Wisconsin. I’ll personally pay the bill to have him deported. 😋

  4. SD Gates says:

    I say pay me and I will move to Australia. This election is getting really frightening.

    • Austin says:

      I’m starting to think that Bernie really has a chance of overtaking Hillary. What do you think?

      • SD Gates says:

        I think Bernie is a solid kind of guy. He seems really sensible. And I like his messy hair . And he is not Hilary who is all about herself and the companies she has lining her wallet. And Trump just gets more outlandish every day. Cruz, there is something about him I just don’t trust. So I’m keeping my fingers crossed for Sanders.

  5. Sandra says:

    Thanks for the laugh!

  6. Eric Wood says:

    You should totally start a crowdrise “Take Our Trump” fund. I bet it would be successful!

  7. How about sending Donald to Canada. Although I’m pretty sure they don’t want him either.

  8. jaypochapin says:

    I think the best way to go here is to have a kind of world-wide reverse auction; in other words, everybody has to make at least two bids and when the dust clears the bidder who comes in dead last has to take him.

    We could wipe out the national debt and rid ourselves of a gigantic national embarrassment at the same time.

    Failing that, we can just slip him a mickey, drop him off in the Ukraine and let ole Putin deal with him…

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