If only Donald Trump would let me shave his head, I might consider voting for him.
I know, right?
Totally mental. Not at all a logical thought.
And yet, there it was, parked in my brain and refusing to leave. A Deep Thought squatter.
So what was behind this odd bit of thinking on my part? I’ve been opposed to the idea of Future President Trump from the moment he first opened his smug mouth and so many hateful words spilled out of it.
How in the world would shaving the man’s head make me reconsider my stubborn stand against Trump in the White House?
It would take a great deal of trust on Trump’s part to allow a total stranger to remove whatever the hell that is living on top of his head. So if he were to grant me permission to expose the dome inside which all that hatred congeals on a daily basis, I’d have to acknowledge that Trump was making an effort to change.
At this point, Trump can’t sink much lower in my opinion polls, so any change on his part is bound to cause an upward tick in his numbers.
Let’s face it, Trump clearly gets some sort of power from his hair, so if he were suddenly okay with getting rid of it, that would be an indication that he had seen the light and his chrome dome was a symbol of the new man ready to lead this nation.
Plus, I’m fairly certain that thing on his head has unseen tentacles that reach down into Trump’s brain and tell him what to do, say, and who needs to be offended and ostracized on a particular day.
Of course, I know what you’re all thinking. A bald man hungry for power is the ultimate Hollywood bad guy: Lex Luthor, Dr. Evil, and Blofeld come to mind.
Sure, that’s totally true, but I think that Bald Trump would be much more humble. He puts in quite the effort to make what’s going on up top seem natural, so that tells me that Trump is extremely vain and doesn’t want the world to know he is balding.
By letting me shave his head, Trump would be making himself extremely vulnerable. In exposing the top of his noggin, he’d also be exposing a version of Donald Trump that American voters have never seen.
Voters would be mesmerized, and Trump would dominate the news cycle again. This time, however, there would finally be a positive spin on the message.
Trump trusts. Trump reveals. Trump humbles himself before the nation. Trump makes America bald again.
I’m not saying I wouldn’t vote for Bernie Sanders if Trump allowed me to shave his head. However, if Bernie were not to receive the nomination because the Democrats decide to back a stylish head of hair rather than a balding one, I’d have to give the Balding Billionaire a second look.
After all, I’m fairly certain Hillary is wearing a wig, and it just pisses me off that she won’t come clean and admit that to the voters. How can I trust a President who is afraid to show me the Presidential dome?
So, Mr. Trump, if you really want my vote and you’re ready to have a clean cut look for the summer, just leave me a message in the comments section. I hope to hear from you!
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