Everyone knows that the Jedi Mind Trick is a powerful weapon, Modern Philosophers, but few people realize that it is the Jedi Retail Mind Trick that poses the greatest threat to our feeble brains.
I’m not saying that we are all weak minded, but when compared to the Jedi, we are merely children with overripe watermelons rolling around inside our skulls.
For years, the Jedi have been living among us, hiding themselves in plain sight, and keeping us safe.
They’ve also been making huge commissions off us in their cover careers in retail.
I took this photo after returning from the gym this afternoon…
“You will not wonder why this is Austin’s favorite shirt!” — The Modern Philosopher, Jedi in Training
It’s a cool shirt, it fits really well, and wearing it puts a huge smile on my face (as the above photo proves). I’m a huge Star Wars fan, so it makes sense that I’d have this item in my wardrobe, wouldn’t you agree?
Here is a photo of me in another BB-8 tee shirt. This one is blue, has a different design, but there’s no way it to hide that it is a second shirt depicting everyone’s favorite new droid from Star Wars: The Force Awakens.
Why in the world do I need two BB-8 shirts? I could see if I had multiple Rey garments as Daisy Ridley is my approved celebrity crush.
But what’s with all the droid merchandise? The answer is pretty obvious…
The Jedi Retail Mind Trick!
Clearly, there is a Jedi working in my local Walmart, and this individual has used the Force to get me to make some purchases on my debit card.
No big deal. I mean, Walmart always has great deals.
I don’t mend spending my hard earned cash for goods that support the Light Side of the Force, but turning to the Dark Side deeply disturbs me.
A quick check of my dresser also revealed a Kylo Ren shirt. I’m not going to post a photo of that one because this is just out of control.
I’m not even going to tell you about the Star Wars jacket I purchased at WalMart last winter. Suffice it to say, it’s quite warm and cozy.
Still, I’m a bit concerned about how I can’t seem to leave Walmart without buying another article of Star Wars clothing for my wardrobe.
Does anyone know how to battle the Jedi Retail Mind Trick? Would wearing a tinfoil hat help? Should I buy some Star Wars tinfoil to make that hat?
“Don’t fight it, Austin. Come back to Walmart tomorrow. We just got in some new BB-8 shirts. Third time’s the charm!” — Unidentified voice in my head with a British accent
Can I use the Jedi Mind Trick to get you to follow me on Pinterest?