However, let’s just say that The House on the Hill now has one less intern darkening its halls because the boss had his beauty sleep interrupted.
I’m by no means a diva, but I do get cranky when I have not gotten my twelve hours of rest.
Until this morning, I had never heard of sleep running.
Now I’m not only well aware that it is a thing, but I also might have posted the best time by a sleep runner this calendar year. I hope there’s an award that goes with that, preferably a medal, because I think it would be nice to have a little bling with me when I run.
I was so out of it this morning that the only real stretching I did was bending down to tie my shoes. Okay, I’m lying about that. I made one of the interns tie them. Don’t judge me. I was exhausted and those college kids are always hanging around, so they might as well do something to earn that college credit.
So tired was I (that I’m starting off paragraphs like Yoda apparently!) that I didn’t even bother bringing music with me. Logging in to Pandora and putting the buds in my ears would’ve taken too much effort.
Sure, I could’ve buzzed my on call running band to join me for some live music, but my brain was too fuzzy for me to remember the phone number.
As a result, I just hit the road tight, devoid of tunes, and in a deep sleep.
I’m not even joking with you, Modern Philosophers. I was so sound asleep that I had dreams about how much I hated running. I don’t even have to see my camera crew’s footage of this morning’s exercise to know I looked exactly like a Zombie as I trudged down the street, moaning and searching for brains.
Clearly, I had no brains of my own because if I did, I would have remained in bed!
Honest to Zeus, I was ready to turn around after a quarter mile and actually negotiated with myself to keep going. Yes, Modern Philosophers, I talked in my sleep, too. Here’s a snippet from the official transcript:
Me: Running BLEEPS! I want to go back to bed.
Me: Keep going and I’ll buy you a breakfast sandwich.
Me: BLEEP that! I’d rather sleep than eat. This BLEEPING BLEEPS!
Me: If you can make it to the halfway point without stopping, I’ll let you walk home.
Me: BLEEP! You’re BLEEPING lying, you BLEEP.
Me: I’ll throw in a Snapple.
Me Fine, but I still hate you, BLEEPhole.
Despite that amazing job of negotiating by one half of my sleepy, twisted mind, I somehow got my body to run the entire three miles.
Even harder to believe, I miraculously managed to pick up the pace, sprint up the last hill, and make it back to The House on the Hill in just under 30:00.
My times are better when I’m asleep.
I don’t get it, but I’m clearly faster when I’m lost in a deep slumber. Perhaps I’ll try sleep working tomorrow. Can’t hurt, right?
I wonder if I snored…
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