Pig Out Like A Patriot

Pig Out Like A Patriot | The Return of the Modern PhilosopherWhen our forefathers were drawing up the documents to govern this great nation, Modern Philosophers, they knew there was no need to list the right to party hearty when it was time to celebrate a momentous occasion.

As Americans, that sort of thing just comes to us naturally.

We consider it our patriotic duty to thoroughly enjoy ourselves on a holiday, and we don’t need centuries old tips on how to handle ourselves in such situations.

Which was why, when my coworkers asked me to have a barbecue, I knew exactly when to plan it.

The Friday before the Fourth of July was the perfect day for an All-American feast of hamburgers and hot dogs grilled over an open flame on a sweltering summer day.

It doesn’t get much more American than that, Modern Philosophers.

Or does it?  If you add festive patriotic decorations, numerous bags of chips, dozens of bottles of soda, homemade macaroni and potato salad, and some yummy, sugar laden desserts, I think you might actually get to a point that is so American that the rest of the world will hate you.

Ain't that America?

Does it get more American than that?

Yes, Modern Philosophers, the Friday before a long Independence Day weekend is an excellent time to flex your American barbecuing muscles (after all, you do have the right to bare arms. Ha!!!!).

I always find that focus is anything but sharp around the office when my coworkers can smell a holiday on the horizon, so my philosophy is to add the delicious scent of grilled hot dogs and hamburgers to the mix.

That way, tummies are filled, morale is raised, and the holiday arrives a little faster.

Our patriotic duty...After Thanksgiving, The Fourth of July is the holiday I most associate with food.  There must be barbecue and the celebration is not complete without some apple pie.

I’m fine if I miss the fireworks, and I’m okay spending Independence Day alone, but do not deny me my Constitutional Rights to all the hot dogs, burgers, and apple pie I can eat.

If you try it, you will have another Revolutionary War on your hands!

Our forefathers fought the British for our right to barbecue whenever we want!I’m a little unclear on my Revolutionary War history, Modern Philosophers, but I’m pretty sure one of the main reason the colonists came to America was for Freedom to Barbecue.

King George was a vegetarian, so he outlawed grilling in the country, and the people were understandably upset.  Some of them swallowed that anger (since they couldn’t swallow perfectly grilled meat) and obeyed the King’s ridiculous law.

The real heroes, however, loaded their grills onto giant ships and battled the mighty Atlantic for the chance to find a new land where barbecues could be fired up on any day and for any occasion.

God bless those visionaries!

God bless America!

I love apple pie almost as much as the woman who sent this one to me!The perfect patriotic ending to a truly patriotic day came around 4:00 when one of my coworkers tracked me down in the break room to inform me that I had just received a delivery from [REDACTED FOR PRIVACY].  She told me that the package was really heavy so [REDACTED AGAIN] must really love me.

I rushed to my desk to discover the apple pie in the above photo waiting for me.

I did mention a little earlier how much I enjoy apple pie on the Fourth of July, right?

I am a huge fan of all the patriotic elements of this holiday, but I am an even bigger fan of the non-American who knew exactly what to do to make my Independence Day perfect!

What do you do to celebrate the Fourth of July?  What will you be grilling?  Will there be apple pie? 

Want to do something super patriotic this holiday weekend?  Follow me on Pinterest like a true American!

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About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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12 Responses to Pig Out Like A Patriot

  1. stomperdad says:

    I’ll do what I do EVERY 4th of July, celebrate my oldest son’s birthday. Born on the 4th of July isn’t just a movie. Our 1/2 American 1/2 Canadian living in Canada celebrates both Canada Day on the 1st and America Day on the 4th with his own birthday. Happy 4th of July! (I’m now going to make a tank top to wear to the gym that says “These guns aren’t concealed”. Thanks for the idea to bare arms!

  2. Lizzi says:

    For a second I thought the apple pie had a face baked into the crust! I LOOOOVE apple pie. It’s one of my favourites, too. I might need to work some apple and cinnamon into my day tomorrow! I hope you have an awesome weekend.

  3. grannyK says:

    I saw the face, too! It is creepy!

  4. Claudia says:

    BBQ is an American staple! Go for it!

  5. BarbCT says:

    No, no, no! You finish with fresh watermelon. Including a seed-spitting contest.

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