You Gotta Fight For Your Right To Party On, Wayne!

Friday Night Think Tank:  Fight or Flight?It’s almost 90 degrees as I welcome you to the Friday Night Think Tank, Modern Philosophers.  I’ve worked over 50 hours this week, and I plan to head back to the office tomorrow morning for a few more hours of overtime fun.

Yes, I’m a dedicated worker bee and I need the extra money, but I’ve been practically living at work all week because there is air conditioning (unlike at The House on the Hill) and I’m trying to keep my mind distracted.

You see, Modern Philosophers, I’m dealing with a long, dark tea-time of the soul and I’m desperate to keep the dark clouds at bay.

I keep telling myself that if I work every waking hour of the day, my brain can’t drift off to the bad place where it’s repeatedly been told not to tread.

It’s a great plan, but as history has proven, no one puts Austin’s brain in the corner.

So, I thought I’d turn to you guys for a little advice and a lot of distractions.  Will you join me in the Think Tank for some Deep Thoughts and friendly chatter?

Bring some ice cream.  We’re gonna need it to beat the heat!

This week’s topic: How do you know when you’re supposed to fight for what you want, and when it’s time to just accept that you cannot win?

When something bothers me, I have a tendency to bottle up my feelings rather than risk rocking the boat.  The reason I do this is because when I finally stand up for myself, things never seem to go well.

Friday Night Think Tank: Fight For Your RightSure, when I was young and foolish, I had a tendency to lose my cool and use my words to lash out against whoever had wronged me.

Now, however, I make sure to keep my anger under control, select words that are direct but not hurtful, and I ask someone I trust to listen to what I plan to say so I can make sure I’m not out of line.

Even with all the precautions, Modern Philosophers, it still seems like whenever I stand up for myself, I end up the loser.    So I tend to keep my mouth shut.

Recently, however, I found myself in a situation where I had no choice but to put my foot down, take a stand, and risk losing someone very important to me.  This was not a fight I wanted, but I needed to stand up for myself in order to ensure that the future would be so bright I’d have to wear shades.

Now, of course, everything has gone to @#$%.  Just as it always does whenever I draw a line in the sand and pray that the other party will back down for once.

I don’t know what to do now.  The other person will not talk to me.

This is not someone I can lose, but what do I do when the other party refuses to engage?  Do I keep trying to make contact and hope that the walls finally come down, or do I just accept that the silence means I need to give up?

My instinct is to keep fighting, but following my instincts is how I got into this situation.

It’s so hot, this post isn’t making any sense, and I just need someone to sit me down and help me think clearly.  Who’s got some words of wisdom for a confused and exhausted Modern Philosopher?

Sorry for the rambling.  Want to follow me on Pinterest anyway?

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About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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14 Responses to You Gotta Fight For Your Right To Party On, Wayne!

  1. Sheila Moss says:

    Really, you are the only one that can decide between fight and flight as you know your own situation. Perhaps you can tell the person you have pissed off that you would like to discuss the problem and clear the air, maybe over coffee. Perhaps an apology is in order, not for whatever the disagreement is about, but for not handling it well. Getting angry or passive aggressive behavior will only make it worse. If you make a sincere effort and the other person is still not receptive, you have done all you can and it is time to move on with your life and stay away from them, if possible, or maintain a professional, but distant relationship if you work with them or have to interact. If you have a really close friend whose opinion you respect, you might run it by them first, sharing the particulars, and see what they think.

  2. nadiaelde says:

    I know that you say that you can’t afford to lose this person, so I think the question now is, can they afford to lose you? Generally when a person refuses to engage and basically takes a “my way or the highway” approach to things, it indicates one of two things: either they believe that you will eventually cave so all they have to do is hold out until that happens, or they genuinely don’t care about losing you.
    If it’s the first, then I counsel you to stay the course. Everyone’s gotta take a stand about some things, and that doesn’t make you a bad or unreasonable person. If this is something that’s really important to you, a person who cares about you will respect and honor that. Talk to this person and say, “listen, I feel really strongly about this. I’ve given in when you wanted X and Y (examples of times you’ve let them have their way), but this is something I just can’t bend on. I hope that you can respect that.” If they still refuse to engage, you should stick to your guns until they realize you mean business. It might take a while, but eventually they’ll come around.
    If the issue is that they don’t feel about you the way you feel about them, and are willing to lose you over this, then you have to think about why you feel like you can’t lose this person, and whether having them in your life is worth having to always concede to their point of view.
    I hope you find this helpful, and that things work out.

  3. I hope things go well…maybe just let the person know when they are ready to talk, you’ll be there to listen. I don’t know, though, the a**kicking Chaos Fairy is crap at this sort of stuff. *wry laugh*

  4. Gail Kaufman says:

    Austin, you are a compelling writer. Perhaps writing an email or letter would be better received than face-to-face.

  5. Abbie says:

    If the person is truly important to you then you don’t give up. Standing up for yourself is important and whatever the issue is/was needs to be worked out, and it will be. But for now you need to get back on speaking terms, otherwise nothing will be settled. If the person won’t answer your phone calls then write a letter or email, but find a way to get them talking. Maybe they need time to think about what transpired between the two of you, in that case give them a few days of no contact but don’t give up.

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