Trump: Build A Wall To Keep The Olympics In Rio

Donald Trump, Rio, Summer Olympics, sports, politics, xenophobia, humor, satire, Modern PhilosopherWhen asked today what he thought about the Summer Olympics, Republican Presidential candidate Donald Trump replied, “I’d like to build a wall to keep the Olympics in Rio”.

Trump then insisted that the International Olympic Committee use some of the money its members have received in bribes over the years to pay for the wall.

While some political pundits saw this as a sign of progress for Trump in that he was aware that the Olympics were in a foreign country, which means that he could not promise to build the wall himself, most saw it as more xenophobia.

“Have you ever been to Rio?” Trump asked the press.  “I have a private jet, so I can fly down there any time I want.  The place is a mess.  Disgusting.  Worse than the Democratic Party.  You’ll never see anything built down there with the name Trump on it because I wouldn’t go near that cesspool for all the money in the world.  Not that I need money, because I’m rich.  Extremely rich.”

There have been reports of Rio being in less than perfect conditions to host the Summer Olympics.  Some athletes have chosen not to participate in the games because they desired to not die or come down with a horrible disease while representing their country.

Rio, Summer Olympics, water, pollution, Modern Philosopher“I offered to send cases of Trump Water to Rio to keep Team USA well hydrated and out of the emergency room,” Trump continued.  “I never heard back from team officials, but I assume that was because President Obama ordered them not to give me a boost in the polls by advertising my most generous offer.”

Reporters tried to move on to the next topic, but Trump was really focused (obsessed) with his idea for an Olympic wall.

“Let’s face it, everyone in America loves my idea of a border wall with Mexico, so why not expand it and franchise it?  We could have a series of Trump Walls all over the world.  The best thing about these walls is that they keep foreigners out of the United States.”

“And what are the Olympics other than the largest gathering of foreigners from all over the world in one place at the same time?”  Trump went on to define the Olympics for the press corps.  “You build a wall around Rio, and all of a sudden, we no longer have to worry about all those foreigners sneaking across our borders to steal our jobs!”

I’m sure Trump had a plan for getting all of the American athletes out of Rio first, but aside from that, he sounded like he was about one step away from turning the Summer Olympics into his personal version of The Hunger Games.

Duran Duran, Donald Trump, Rio, Summer Olympics, humor, Modern Philosopher“You know what else I hate about Rio?” Trump asked even though no one else around him cared.  “Rio makes me think of that Duran Duran song, and I hate Duran Duran.  Another group of foreigners who came here to take jobs away from American hair bands.  I say once the wall is built, we throw Duran Duran in there with the rest of the foreigners.”

The gold medal for Xenophobia goes to Donald Trump from the United State of America.  Trump also received the silver and bronze medals because the foreign judges were afraid of being trapped behind walls forever if they did not give him all the awards.

Follow me on Pinterest, and I promise Trump won’t build a wall around you!


About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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