He checked his impeccably tailored suit for blood, sweat, and tears, and finding none of them on the expensive fabric, decided to glare at me until I answered him.
Getting the evil eye from Lucifer is very unnerving.
“They’re bloggers,” I shouted to be heard over the cacophony of sound that rattled through The House on the Hill like a NYC subway car on its last legs. “I decided to have a Blog Pitch Party. Isn’t the turn out great?”
His reaction, which was more or less his scowling and then lifting an eyebrow so high that it was almost atop his head, told me all I needed to know about his feelings.
“So your significant other isn’t here to keep an eye on you, and suddenly I’m spending Spring Break at the MTV Nerd House?” The Prince of Darkness quipped so dryly that I found myself reaching for my Snapple to take a long gulp.
“Her not being here is the reason I needed to throw this party,” I countered. “Let’s go out on the porch so we can talk.”
Satan insisted that I lead the way so that I could cut a path through the party goers and keep his precious suit from getting stained or wrinkled.
Once we were outside, he let out a long, exaggerated sigh of relief, and sat down in one of the chairs. He promptly put up his feet on the porch rail and made himself at home.
“Comfy, sir?” I asked sarcastically.
“I’m sorry that my life’s falling apart has become an inconvenience to you,” I mumbled as I sat down on the remaining chair.
Lucifer studied me for a moment before he replied.
“Where are my manners? My friend is in need and I’m grumbling like an ungrateful cretin. Do you want me to talk to her for you? I can fix this.”
I shook my head. “Thanks, but this is something I need to figure out on my own.”
“If you recall, when you two first met, I went to Singapore to scope her out for you,” The Prince of Darkness reminded me with a Devilish grin. “I know you didn’t appreciate that at first, but later, you realized I was just doing you a solid. I always have business in Ireland, so this would not be a problem at all for me.”
I waved him off emphatically. “I know you want to help, but the last thing I need is for Satan to fight my battles for me. Enough with this topic, though. I’m sick of it being the only thing on my mind. That’s why I’m having a party.”
Satan glanced into the living room through the window and rolled his eyes. “I feel like I’m trapped in a very bad Die Hard knockoff. All the world’s bloggers are gathered in one place. Only one man can save them from being murdered by a secret society hellbent on freeing up some space on the internet for the rest of the world to use.”
I hit him with my best outburst of hysterical fake laughter.
“You’re a riot,” I assured him sarcastically.
“It looks like tonight’s short story is really just an extended commercial for your Blog Pitch Party, so why don’t you just say what needs to be said so I can get out of here and find some fun,” The Devil strongly suggested.
I shrugged because he was right.
“The Blog Pitch Party is in full swing, Modern Philosophers,” I announced to anyone who might be reading this short story. “This blog has almost 16,000 followers, so this is a great way to introduce your blog to a whole new audience, make new friends, and discover exciting new blogs.”
“Wow! That does sound great,” Lucifer replied in his fake infomercial announcer voice. “How do I sign up for this amazing offer?”
“Just go to the previous blog post, read the simple instructions, and join the fun. The party is really rocking, so get here as quickly as you can!”
The Prince of Darkness stood up and offered his hand. He rarely wanted to shake hands, so I gripped it with confusion and trepidation.
“I know you’re hurting now, buddy, but hang in there. If you need me to visit the Land of the Leprechauns and have a chat with that special someone, you just stand in front of a mirror and shout out my name three times as loud as you can.”
He offered another of his charming, Devilish smiles. I smiled right back at him.
“Or I could just open a bag of potato chips,” I countered. “That always seems to make you magically appear.”
“Touche,” Satan responded. “Your heart might be broken, but your wit is one hundred percent intact and operational. Enjoy your party.”
And with a snap of his fingers, he was out of my hair for another week.
I hope to see you all at the Blog Pitch Party! And don’t forgot to follow me on Pinterest unless you want The Devil to crash at your house this week…