“Some people think that Hell is having to live the worst moments of your life over and over again on a continuous loop,” I told The Devil, who I saw an expert who could definitively confirm or debunk this theory.
“Which do you think is your personal Hell? Having to go back to work tomorrow, or this vacation you’ve just endured?” Lucifer asked with a Devilish grin on his handsome face.
I so badly wanted to fling the dip from my potato chip onto his impeccably tailored suit for that comment, but I knew it was always best to fight temptation around this guest.
“Well, only one scenario has you in it, so which do you think it is?” I challenged as I enjoyed my chip and dip and then washed them down with a sip of Snapple.
“Thanks for reminding me,” The Prince of Darkness said as he reached into his suit jacket. “I have some reader letters that I wanted to address today.”
I looked on flabbergasted as he revealed a thick pile of envelopes held together by a single thick rubber band.
“That’s a lot of mail,” stated Captain Obvious.
“And I don’t have interns to read it all for me,” Satan quipped. “Do you mind if I read just a few of these? They pretty much say the same thing and are certainly topical.”
“Go for it!” I replied enthusiastically because I always love replying to reader comments.
“Dear Satan,” Lucifer read aloud from the first letter. “Could you please make sure Austin doesn’t ruin this week’s short story by writing about his broken heart again? It’s not that I don’t feel for him, but he has all week to whine about that. The Sundays With Satan Short Story Series is my favorite feature on the blog, and he’s been tanking it lately with his sad stories. Thanks.”
He peeked at me as he returned the letter to its envelope.
“Interesting,” I mumbled. “I thought the whole fun of a blog was getting to write about anything I wanted without being censored or rejected by The Man.”
I tried to drown my hurt in a giant sip of Snapple.
“You can write about anything you want,” The Prince of Darkness reminded me. “Today, you chose to answer reader mail.”
He opened a second letter and looked at me to make sure it was okay to continue.
“By all means,” I gave the go ahead with a wave.
“Dear Satan, Austin has always been an awesome friend to you. Why do you just sit there and watch him suffer? I’m sure you have the resources to remind a Sweet Irish Girl that she loves a deeply flawed, but charming Modern Philosopher.”
“I can take that one,” I informed him. “Thanks for the suggestion. It’s not like he hasn’t offered on numerous occasions, but this is the sort of thing I need to handle without Satanic intervention. Besides, even though he swears he’d do it for free, I’m sure he’d come around looking for the soul of my first born at some point.”
The Devil laughed uproariously at that one, and his reaction made me smile.
Look at that. Miracles do happen.
“Do I need to read anymore?” The Prince of Darkness queried. “There are actually some that demand I get more time on the blog than just the Sunday short story.”
“I get the gist,” I assured him. “My readers are tired of reading about my broken heart, and would much prefer I tickle their funny bones. Message received. Thank you for delivering it in a creative way.”
“Things will get better,” Satan assured me. “You’ve been down this road before, even in this particular relationship, and you survived.”
Of course he was right. Besides, I had bigger things to worry about. I have to go back to work tomorrow and I’m not quite sure I’m ready for that…
If you’re not too busy writing fan mail to The Devil, perhaps you could take a minute to follow me on Pinterest? Thanks!