Ferris Thinks I’m A Pussy

Ferris Bueller, life, love, humor, Modern PhilosopherThe first time your inner Ferris Bueller calls you a pussy can come as a really shocker, Modern Philosophers!

I was in the bathroom at work, throwing some cold water on my face to help wake me up, and when I looked in the mirror, there he was.

Pacing behind me, shaking his head in disappointment, and looking like he had a lecture on the tip of his tongue.

“Spit it out, Ferris,” I demanded.

“What’s happened to you?” he shot back at me all angry and Ed Rooney-like.  “You used to be fun, you used to slack off, you used to be a struggling writer with big dreams.  Now all you do is work.”

Usually, my inner Ferris is a blast to have around.  He’ll show up out of the blue, just want to hang out, and dispense some Deep Thoughts about how to live a better life.

“I need the money,” I countered as I turned to face him and crossed my arms as I leaned back against the sink.

“For what?” Ferris pressed as he put his foot up on the toilet seat and mockingly posed like he was a male model on a bizarre photo shoot.

When I didn’t answer, he did so for me.  “You needed money for your first Christmas together, for her thirtieth birthday trip to New York in January, and for an engagement ring.  You don’t need those things any more.  You know why?”

“Because she won’t speak to me,” I answered flatly.

“No,” Ferris replied with a charming grin.  “You don’t need them because you’re a pussy.”

Ferris Bueller, life, love, humor, movies, Modern PhilosopherI was eating my lunch in the break room when my inner Ferris made his next appearance.

“Look at you eating that boring salad like a sad little rabbit,” he mocked from the chair across from me.  “Do you think Abe Froman, the Sausage King of Chicago, would ever settle for a wimpy lunch like that?”

I threw down my fork in disgust.  Truth be told, my salad did suck and I was sick of it, but I was frustrated with Ferris’ being so far up my ass.  This was totally out of character for him and it was freaking me out.

Ferris Bueller, life, love, relationships, philosophy, humor, Modern Philosopher“Why are you being such a prick, Ferris?” I asked for the very first time in my life.

“You shouldn’t be working so much and nibbling on salads,” he informed me.  “Call out sick tomorrow, and then get on a plane to Ireland.”

I laughed out loud.  A hearty belly laugh that brought tears to my eyes.

“That’s what this is about?” I asked with a chuckle.  “You think I’m going to drop everything, put my job in jeopardy, and drop a thousand dollars on a flight across the Atlantic just so that she can ignore me to my face?”

“You’d do it if you weren’t a total pussy,” Ferris challenged and then slapped the bowl of salad out of my lap like a total douche.

Ferris Bueller, life, love, philosophy, humor, Modern PhilosopherOn the drive home from work, one of my favorite songs came on the radio.  I cranked it up and started to sing along.  Like I always do.

Then I abruptly changed the station mid-verse.

“Pussy!”

I almost lost control of the car because my inner Ferris had scared the crap out of me.  He hadn’t been there in the passenger seat mere seconds earlier.

“You love that song,” he continued once he was sure I wasn’t going to drive off the road.  “That’s the first song you ever serenaded her with in this very car when she came to visit for the first time.  She looked at you with love in those big green eyes and was floored by the fact that you sang the entire song to her.  That’s when you won her heart.”

“I’m well aware of that, Ferris,” I mumbled.

“That became your song,” he reminded me.  “It was very fitting for your relationship, don’t you think?  She would sing it to you, even though she hated to sing.”

“What’s your point?” I shouted as I kept my eyes focused on the road, but could still see him shaking his head in disappointment via my peripheral vision.

“That song is your grand romantic gesture,” Ferris explained excitedly.  “Stop sitting here missing her and pining for her.  Do something to win her back.  Fly to Ireland, go to her apartment or to the hospital, and serenade her with that song.  She won’t be able to resist you.  She’ll melt like she did the very first time you sang it to her.”

“That’s not going to work,” I said sadly.  “She won’t talk to me.  She hates me…”

Lloyd Dobler, Say Anything, In Your Eyes, life, love, Modern Philosopher“I’ve got to side with Ferris on this,” came a familiar voice from the back seat.  “The ladies really dig it when you sing to them.  It’s guaranteed to thaw this ocean of ice between you lovebirds.”

I glanced in the rear view mirror to make eye contact with my inner Lloyd Dobler.

Ferris nodded in agreement.  “Trust Lloyd.  He’s the expert on this.”

“Guys, I would love to take your advice, cut work, fly to Ireland, and sing to My Sweet Irish Girl to win back her love, but it’s never going to happen.”

“Why not, dude?” Lloyd asked as he leaned forward and stuck his head into the front seat.  “People never thought I had a chance with Diane Court, but I just asked her out and she said yes.”

“I’m no Loyd Dobler,” I admitted.

“No, you’re not,” Ferris agreed.  “You’re a pussy.”

Can you twist and shout over to Pinterest and follow me?  Danke schoen!

Advertisements

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Love and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

36 Responses to Ferris Thinks I’m A Pussy

  1. Though he may be frustrating, your inner Ferris sounds like he has a point. If this girl is worth it, then I say to hell with it, and go win her back, but do it smartly. I do hope there is going to be a second part to this!

  2. I agree with Tatyana. Ferris sounds like he’s on to something.

  3. Laurie O says:

    Truly loved this and now you left us with a cliffhanger! Sometimes we all need to follow a little Ferris advice.

  4. I dunno…the guys may be onto something. What’s worse – taking that huge risky leap and meeting with failure (OR – better – success!) or not taking it at all and wondering forever?
    Meanwhile, this is brilliant. Brilliant.

  5. Rosemond says:

    Who doesn’t love/hate Ferris? And calling you the P word. Damn him but love this post!

  6. Ferris gave us a classic and a lot of sound advice.

  7. STEVE HOLT!!! says:

    “Life goes by so fast. If you don’t stop and look around, you might miss it.”

    Ferris said that, too. Take the money you’d spend on airfare to Ireland and spend it on a singles cruise or something. Keep looking around. You deserve better than what you’ve been through.

    “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”

    It’s a little-known fact that Maya Angelou actually stole that quote from Ferris, and it also applies to your current situation. I hope you can find the strength to move forward and eventually find someone who truly values and cherishes all that you have to offer.

  8. markbialczak says:

    I’m with Ferris and Lloyd, Austin. All you have to lose is cash and vacation time. All you have to gain is a happily ever after! ❤

  9. Course, if you genuinely did something wrong, and she was right to leave, Ferris is an immature dreamer. On the otherhand, if you didn’t, and she’s being unreasonable, is that the kind of woman you want?

    Quit your job. Relax for a few months.

    • Austin says:

      Don’t be like my inner Cameron! 🙂

      • Ain’t no Cameron about it. Fact of the matter is, some relationships just shouldn’t happened. I don’t know enough to say this is one of those, but many of them shouldn’t.

        If you’ll recall, my recent separation caused me to start my blog, and be here right now. I was in love. But I loved an imagined version of them, not who they were.

        In retrospect, I was so desperate for love, that I ignored the signs of our incompatibility. I was way off base.

  10. I say just do it already. If she doesn’t talk to you, then you know for certain- without a doubt- where you stand and you can let go and move on. If she does fall back into your arms, then maybe you’ll have your happily ever after. Either way, you’ll have a cool trip to Ireland. Who doesn’t want to go to IRELAND?

  11. Do people really do that kind of thing? I don’t really know enough about what happened with the Sweet Irish Girl to weigh in on this (I’ve missed a few posts), but I’m wondering if all these people aren’t being a little glib urging you to go with it. On the other hand, you obviously want to and are thinking about it. I await developments.

  12. Jenn says:

    I guess I’m in the minority. It seems as she’s ruined two of your vacations within one year & isn’t worth your time. That’s just my 2 cents. She won’t speak to you? That’s incredibly immature, but it sounds like she’s moved on… I feel you deserve MUCH better, and should move forward. Who knows what amazing people and adventures you’re missing out on while you spend so much energy and time on someone who broke your heart. I personally wouldn’t be focusing on someone who doesn’t even think I’m worthy of speaking to. Please don’t be mad I said this ok? Get out there and live your life! Meet people! Do things! Join groups of cool people doing interesting things! Life is too short! Xo from your friend! ~Jenn. 🙂

    • Austin says:

      She only ruined one. She came the last time after missing her flight. I got her on a plane the next day. This relationship has been filled with moments like that and tons of obstacles, including an ocean, to overcome. I just love her too much to give up yet.

      You’re okay, Jenn. I’m not mad…

  13. Lutheranliar says:

    Favorite line in this, one of my favorite of your posts: “Look at you eating that boring salad like a sad little rabbit” Hahahaha! p.s. I don’t think you’re a pussy. Pussycat, yes. Pussy, no.

  14. You’re imagination always astounds me. I love this, montage of characters! What a sad story after such a great fight these characters pushed!

    • Austin says:

      I’m glad you found this old post. It was fun to write even though it did lead to a very angry Facebook message from The Sweet Irish Girl…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s