How To Date Like The Tin Man

dating tips, life hacks, relationships, humor, Tin Man, Wizard of Oz, Modern PhilosopherI may not be ready to jump back into the dating game, Modern Philosophers, but that doesn’t mean I can’t dispense more of my amazing dating advice.

Recently, I waited out a thunderstorm at my favorite pub.  As the wind rattled the windows, and the rain pounded down relentlessly, I enjoyed a pint with one of Maine’s most well known Otherworldly Beings, The Tin Man.

It’s not common knowledge that my friend from Oz is quite the ladies’ man, but trust me when I tell you that there’s a well traveled yellow brick road that leads from all parts of Maine to his bedroom.

When the topic of dating came around, my buddy was more than willing to share some tips that would allow you to be as successful at is as he is.

Never ask the Wizard for a heart.  The Tin Man admits that the stupidest thing he ever did was to ask for a heart.  “The heart only gets in the way, and it’s so easily broken.”  When he moved to Maine to enjoy the life of a bachelor on the prowl, he quickly got rid of the Wizard of Oz’s gift.  By dating without a heart, he claims he can enjoy himself without the worry of being hurt, or the guilt that he might might be hurting someone.  “If you eliminate the heart from the equation, the solution is always fun!”

dating tips, dating, relationships, advice, life hacks, Iron Man, Modern PhilosopherSilver over gold.  The Tin Man said it was a conscious decision to remain silver and slightly rusty rather than to upgrade to gold once he found fame and fortune.

“I want the ladies to love me for who I am, not for what’s in my bank account.”  He claims that while he has no trouble spoiling that special someone, he’s not looking to attract the kind of woman who likes shiny, expensive things.  “If she’s all about material things, there’s going to come a point when she’ll expect more than I’m willing to buy.  I always tell a date if she’s looking for the gold, shiny version of me, she should go out with Iron Man.”

Keep it stiff.  The Tin Man makes a point of not oiling himself before a date.  “I like to remind the ladies that my stiffness will work to their benefit.”  Apparently, “Do you want to oil me?” is a line that almost always guarantees the big guy is going to get lucky.

dating, relationships, humor, dating tips, life hacks, The Wizard of Oz, Modern PhilosopherCan I axe you a question?  The Tin Man never goes on a date without his trusty axe.  He told me he made the mistake of doing that once, and he ended up getting attacked by Flying Monkeys and had no way to defend himself.

“You never know when a date is going to unleash the Flying Monkeys, so you always want to be prepared for the worst.  You show up with an axe, and you send the message that you’re prepared for anything.”

The Tin Man added that he’s found women are turned on by a man who takes control, and the ones who wanted to handle his axe were the best in bed.

The friend zone.  Dating can be a very strange, confusing, and lonely world if things don’t work out, so it’s essential to surround yourself with a group of friends who are trustworthy, patient, and willing to kick the ass of anyone who hurts you.

dating tips, life hacks, relationships, humor, Wiard of Oz, friends, Modern Philosopher“I might have been able to survive my journey through Oz on my own, but there is no way I’d be able to navigate the world of dating without my amigos.  Much love to Dorothy, Scarecrow, and my bestie Leo.  They have been my shoulders to cry on, my sounding boards, my therapists, my fashion advisers, and the ones who come running at 3AM when there’s a Wicked Witch in my place who just won’t leave.”

There’s no place like home.  Always try to get a date back to your place.  “There’s nothing like home field advantage, and to be quite honest, if she’s willing to go back to your place, it’s off to see the Wizard, if you catch my drift.”

I have to admit, Modern Philosophers, that I thought The Tin Man’s advice would be more eloquent, instead of sounding like the wild barking of a raving horn dog.  Then again, he was a bit tipsy and I’m sure the big storm gave him flashbacks to the day Dorothy arrived in his old stomping grounds somewhere over the rainbow.

Regardless, I hope you found something in his tips that will come in handy either the next time you are on a date, or hopelessly lost in Oz.

Good luck out there!

You don’t need to find the yellow brick road to follow me on Pinterest…

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About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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10 Responses to How To Date Like The Tin Man

  1. I am dreadfully disappointed by TM’s getting rid of his heart. That is like many bad sequels where they take the characters back a few steps from the happy ending, thus negating their growth in the first movie (I’ll write a blog post on that one day). I have been out of the dating battlefield (can’t call it a “game”) for some time, but I never had a problem going home with a date. For one reason, my house was (and is) a perpetual mess. More importantly, somebody else’s house you can just leave. At your house, you have to get rid of the person. Why, you may ask, was I dating people I would potentially want to get rid of? All I can say is, it seemed like a good idea at the time. Rock on.

  2. Truly clever and sweet post – I have no doubt you’ll find your someone at the end of the rainbow 🙂

  3. Gilly says:

    Well he sounds like a bit of a naughty boy. I think STIFF is classed as a four letter word in England even though it’s got five. Brilliant post – made me smile.

  4. Gail says:

    Your creativity really shines in this post.

  5. kriskkaria says:

    Hey Austin! I narrated your dating story, which I enjoyed thoroughly, on my podcast. Your story is second, I combined 2 stories about relationships in one podcast. I’m trying to make my podcast about 10-20 minutes routinely. Here is the link, http://kriskkaria.podbean.com/e/cancel-my-reservation-for-mars-and-how-to-date-like-the-tin-man/. As always, steered everyone to your blog.

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