Trump Yet To Deny That He Eats Babies

Donald Trump, politics, election news, cannibalism, humor, satire, Modern PhilosopherI don’t know if you’ve picked up on this yet, Modern Philosophers, but Donald Trump will say just about anything to anyone.

The man has no filter.  I can’t even tell at this point if the word sewage that leaks from his mouth is uttered for shock value, or if he truly believes everything that he says.

What I have noticed, however, is that despite the voluminous sound bytes he’s produced, there is one thing that Trump still hasn’t said.

This glaring omission makes me sure, beyond a reasonable doubt, that Donald Trump should never be President.

Quite frankly, it should bother the hell out of your, too, Modern Philosophers.

The interns and I have been poring over the transcripts of every Trump rally, speech, interview, and random insane declaration, and do you know what we discovered?

Trump never denies that he eats babies!

A candidate can be a racist, sexist, misogynist, xenophobic, hate monger and still be elected President.

But there is no way in hell that a person who dines on babies will ever take a meal in the White House as our Commander in Chief.

Donald Trump, politics, babies, satire, humor, election news, Modern PhilosopherThis is America, a country obsessed with eating and scandal, but even we have to draw a line somewhere.

You have to ask yourself, why hasn’t a man as outspoken as Trump, who’s never met a word he doesn’t like to hurl at an opponent like a lethal weapon, ever come out and just said he doesn’t eat babies?

It really makes you think, doesn’t it?  What is he trying to hide?  Why won’t he come clean on this topic?  Is he constantly harping on Hillary Clinton’s medical condition to distract us from what was served for lunch on his private jet?

I’m calling out Future President Trump right now.  You don’t have to show me your tax returns.  You don’t even have to explain what that thing is that sits atop your head.

Just hook yourself up to a lie detector and state for the record that you don’t eat babies.

If Trump won’t do this, then I think we all have our answer.  And if that’s the case, are you still going to vote for an orange skinned, verbally abusive, baby eater?

If this were a fairy tale, such a creature would be hunted by our heroes and killed in a gruesome manner so the kingdom could live happily ever after.

Donald Trump, politics, humor, satire, Modern PhilosopherWhy do you think we never see Trump kissing babies?  It’s the perfect photo op for any political candidate, and yet, Trump won’t go within ten feet of a baby in public.

Is he afraid we’ll hear his stomach rumble?  Does he know he won’t be able to resist taking a bite out of any toddler handed to him?  Might the man have the weirdest eating disorder to which the White House Chef would ever have to cater?

So many people have wondered why Trump would even want to be President.  Perhaps he craves instant access to all of the country’s birth records and census information.  What better way to know where the yummy babies are?  Maybe he wants to use the NSA’s surveillance capabilities to track the nation’s most delicious toddlers.

It all just turns my stomach.  I hope the citizens of this great nation are smart enough to know that sometimes it’s what a candidate doesn’t say that reveals the most about him.

Before you lock away your children for  safety, be sure to follow me on Pinterest…

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About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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