I Slept Past 10AM: Now I’m Doomed!

humor, health, fitness, exercise, weight loss, life, Modern PhilosopherThe plan for this morning, Modern Philosophers, was to get up early and go for a run.

And I was serious about the running thing.

I had my running clothes ready to go.

I’d even bought a scale yesterday.

You know things just got real when I spring for a scale.

That kind of purchase means I’m truly invested in losing weight and getting healthy.

I was going to weigh myself and track my progress to better health.

No more of this just running and not checking my weight to put pressure on myself to work harder.

Clearly, that strategy was not working.

Sure, I already had a scale.

But that one was hexed.

The display wouldn’t light up anymore when I stood on it.

It probably just needed new batteries, but it was time for a change.

The scale had to go.

It still had my ex-wife’s height and weight programmed into it, which meant it was a holdover from the marriage days.

Just another reason for it to go.

Plus, lately, whenever it did actually work, the numbers it had been showing were way too far up the number scale for my liking.

Time for a new scale.

humor, health, fitness, running, sick, exhaustion, Modern PhilosopherWhen I finally rolled out of bed this morning, after all that planning, it was 10:22AM.

10:22!!!

I haven’t slept that late since I weighed a hell of a lot less.

Sure, I’m totally exhausted from all the overtime I’ve been working.

I put in sixty hours at the office this week, and had a very late night on Wednesday because of The Nite Show taping.

You would think my body absolutely craved sleep.

But it’s always up somewhere between 5:00 and 6:00.

Now that I think about it, I was awake that early.

Nature did call collect, I accepted the charges, and I completed the transaction it proposed.

But then I crawled under the covers again and went back to sleep.

There were some very strange dreams, that I vaguely remember.

I even texted a friend who told me she wasn’t feeling well.

Was she really sick, or was she just putting a curse on me via text?

I will have to investigate that later…much later because I’m not really up for it now.

life, sick, exhaustion, flu, health, humor, Modern PhilosopherWhen I finally did snap awake and not surrender my body back to sleep, there were disturbing gurgling noises emanating from my stomach.

And my head was pounding.

Something evil was coming for me.

It was like my head was shrouded in a fog, and my tummy was a very annoying fog horn trying to prevent my body from crashing into the rocks and drowning in the flu.

I might not be a doctor, and I’ve never even played one on TV, but I don’t need Web MD to tell me that I’m in for one hell of a day.

So there won’t be any running.

Unless you count the times I sprint to the bathroom today.

Pray for me, Modern Philosophers.

Ask Zeus to deliver me from the evil that has invaded my body.

But maybe ask him to let it ravage me just long enough so that I lose some weight.

Might as well find the silver lining in this near death experience, right?

Follow me on Pinterest, so if I don’t survive this battle with the plague, I may live on for you via the internet…

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About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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13 Responses to I Slept Past 10AM: Now I’m Doomed!

  1. grannyK says:

    Oh man, I hate that kind of illness! I hope you feel better very fast.

  2. tunisiajolyn84 says:

    Hilarious! “Plus, lately, whenever it did actually work, the numbers it had been showing were way too far up the number scale for my liking.

    Time for a new scale.” That’s a good excuse to get a new scale as anything else. Hope you’ll feel better and make that new scale work properly, lower numbers and everything.

  3. I couldn’t Like this post, because I feel too bad that you’re ill. You probably will lose weight, but it will jump back on in an alarming fashion; it always does with me. I hope you feel better soon.

  4. If only I could sleep late. But not be sick. But do get well!

  5. The other day, I woke up and the clock said 10:30. I said “HOLY SH–!” Out loud. You just need one of those days now and then. My advice…throw away the scale, it drives you crazy.

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