Humans and Otherworldly Beings packed Maine’s largest graveyard, widely accepted to be the most haunted cemetery in America, to listen to master storytellers spin the most frightening yarns ever told.
As is the longstanding tradition of the event, the scariest story of all was left for last, and told to the petrified crowd by Waltzing Matilda, Maine’s most powerful Witch and leader of the state’s largest coven.
This year’s story was entitled He Who Must Not Be Named President.
The story, which I could never do justice since I am not a centuries old Witch with the ability to conjure up the most frightening of tales, went something like this…
Once upon a time, there was a Wizard who was rich with money and power, but filled with hatred for anyone who was different from him.
He grew weary of the rulers of his great nation not live up to his incomprehensible expectations, so he decided that he would take all the power for himself and rule over everyone as he saw fit.
This Wizard, who had no previous experience in governing, battled many other potential rulers in a confusing, drawn out process that seemed archaic for its time, but was entertaining enough to keep a large portion of the population interested.
It was more a freak show and car wreck than anything else, but here were so many simpleminded people in this Wizard’s world, and they enjoyed the way the Wizard barked and yelled and promised to make the nation wonderful again.
Of course, those citizens with any brains, could see right through the Wizard. They knew he was an evil, hate mongering, racist, sexist, xenophobe, who craved power and attention, and believed that his Magic grew stronger from the sound of his own voice.
They understood that everything that came out of the Wizard’s constantly moving mouth was just a Black Magic spell that worked only on those whose IQ was substandard.
Unfortunately, most of the voters in this confusing, drawn out process that whittled down the field were dumb as nails, and quickly fell under the Wizard’s spell.
They followed him blindly and vowed to do anything they could to make sure that he was elected to the highest office in the nation.
As a troubling darkness fell over the nation, and the arrival of The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse grew imminent, the brave citizens who had not succumbed to the Wizard’s enchantment, vowed to make sure that the Evil One, who they now referred to as He Who Must Not Be Named President, never took the Oath of Office.
Did they succeed in their quest?
Were they able to save their nation from a horrifying fate?
The ending of his frightening tale is your to write, Modern Philosophers…
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