The Sunday Rejects Rise From The Dead

The Nite Show, Danny Cashman, monologue jokes, writing, TV, Halloween, politics, Trump, Clinton, comedy, Modern PhilosopherHappy All Hallows Eve Eve, Modern Philosophers!

A new episode of The Nite Show with Danny Cashman aired last night, and even though several of my monologue jokes made it onto the air, some of my personal favorites did not make the cut.

In the spirit of Halloween, I thought I’d bring several of the unused jokes back from the dead.  Feel free to toss them in as an extra treat for your trick or treaters.   And if they don’t laugh, you should egg them.

It’s time for The Sunday Rejects to rise!!!

If Hillary Clinton wins on Election Day, she will become the first female President of the United States.  She’d also be the second member of another very select group, joining FDR as the only American Presidents who could not pee while standing…

No one seems to be talking about how voting for Hillary Clinton will help the nation’s economy.  Everyone knows that women make less then men in the workforce, so if we hire a female President, we’ll save money on her salary for at least the next four years…

The Nite Show, Danny Cashman, Halloween, Election Day, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, monologue jokes, humor, Modern PhilosopherI’m not really in the mood for Halloween this year, so I’m going to build a wall around my house to keep out the trick or treaters.  And then I’m going to make the greedy brats pay for it…

No word yet on what Donald Trump is going to be for Halloween, but I bet he’d win the Scariest Costume Contest in a landslide if he just went as himself…

I’ve heard that Charlie Brown is going to bring Linus to Trump Tower for Halloween so that the poor kid can finally meet The Great Pumpkin…

In honor of Halloween, Donald Trump’s Secret Service code name has been changed to The Great Pumpkin.  Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton’s will remain The Wicked Witch of the West Wing…

The Chicago Cubs have finally made it to the World Series after 71 years.  Don’t panic yet, though.  We’ll know for sure if Hell has frozen over if Trump wins the Election…

Bruce Poliquin, The Nite Show, Danny Cashman, Halloween, politics, monologue jokes, humor, Modern PhilosopherCongressman Bruce Poliquin really had his heart set on going as Kylo Ren for Halloween.  Unfortunately, they only make one Star Wars costume in his size.  So, once again, he’ll be trick or treating as an Ewok…

Republican Congressman Bruce Poliquin is secretly pulling for Hillary Clinton to win the election because he’s hoping she will appoint him to her Cabinet as Secretary of the Lollipop Guild…

Unlike most politicians who get on a soapbox to share their views with the people, Bruce Poliquin gets on a soapbox simply so the people can view him…

Bernie Sanders recently complained to President Obama about Vice President Joe Biden’s constantly calling him to ask to borrow the DeLorean because it would go perfectly with his Marty McFly costume…

What if Hillary Clinton doesn’t want her deleted emails released because she knows a majority of them are messages to Bill repeatedly telling him that she refuses to ask President Obama and the First Lady if they want to swing?

Election Day is just around the corner.  At this point, experts say that the only way Donald Trump could win is if the Electoral College were replaced with Trump University…

ALF, Halloween, The Nite Show, monologue jokes, politics, Election Day, humor, Modern PhilosopherIf Hillary Clinton wins on Election Day, she will surpass Monica Lewinsky as the woman with the most challenging job to do in the Oval Office during a Clinton Administration…

What did you think of The Sunday Rejects, Modern Philosophers?  I was a big fan of the FDR joke, but I thought it might be a little too mean for Danny’s tastes.

The Nite Show airs on Saturday nights.  You can also support the show by liking its Facebook page, checking out clips on its YouTube channel, of by following it on Twitter @TheNiteShowME.

And if you like what you read here, be sure to follow my blog.  You can also follow me on Pinterest by clicking the link below…

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About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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6 Responses to The Sunday Rejects Rise From The Dead

  1. grannyK says:

    My favorite one is the Charlie Brown and Linus one!

  2. ksbeth says:

    happy halloween, austin, to you and all of your special creatures in the big house. )

  3. Can’t pee while standing is just so incorrect….i hurt laughing! ~~dru~~

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